About This Project

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Calamity Jones

Number

9-1-1

 

Start Year

2016

 

Positions

Blocker

 

Birthday

Cancer

 

Bio

Calamity Jones came crashing…literally…onto the scene back in 2016. This sassy broad loves grandiloquent words and dinosaur jokes. Don’t let the freckles fool you, she’ll cut you as soon as look at you. In the immortal words of Bell Biv Devoe,”Never trust a big butt and a smile.”

Distinguishing Characteristics

Dazzling ti--- WITS. Glitter mask.

Awards

2008 Spelling and Vocabulary Gold Medalist, Most Likely to Trip Over Her Own Feet

Derby Wife

Vanna FOoK

Injuries Sustained

Partially torn PCL, sprained MCLs, sort-of exploded shin (10 staples later...)

Favorite Opponent

I hate everyone.

Derby Idols

Suzy Hotrod, Anita Confess, Cheapskate, and Rolla Parks

Likes

Puzzles (of any kind), cheese, stout beer, hittin' bitches, and Atticus Finch.

Dislikes

The patriarchy, slow walkers (like, really, HOW DO YOU WALK SOOOO SLOOOOW?!), people that use reply-all indiscriminately, aaaaand mushrooms.

Category

Holy Rollers, Retired Skaters