On January 4, the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls kicked off their 2009 season. Following tradition, the first bout of the season was an expo bout between the Holy Rollers (2008 Calvello Cup Champions) and The All Scar Army, a team of all star skaters from the other four teams in the league. After intros featuring crashing drums and blessing nuns, the skaters hit the banked track.
The Holy Rollers relied on their strong jammers–Smarty Pants, Sacralicious, Horrorshow, and Hispanic Panic. The All Scar Army frequently sent Rocky Casbah, Kategory 5 (2008 Rookie of the Year), Evil Stellator, and Curly Suicide to the line. Using so many young jammers allowed the All Scar Army to use other skaters who often jam (such as Dirty Blonde, Dixie Sanchez, and Kate or Dye) as a defensive threat. The ASA jumped out to a quick lead on a full jam by Kategory 5. Several scoreless jams follwed as both team’s defenses looked to establish their presenc e. Rocky Casbah put 2 more points on the board for the ASA while jamming against Sacralicious. This set off several jams where the ASA built their lead–3 points from Evil Stellator, then 2 points from Curly Suicide. Damsel Distresser made her rookie debut jamming for the HRs, though she was held scoreless by the ASA defense. A penalty on Holly Peno drew a “Pushcart” penalty on the penalty wheel. Holly Peno and Rocky Casbah faced off against Smarty Pants and Sacralicious. After a tightly fought race, the ASA came out on top, saving their penalty point. (Sacralicious did show off some pretty nifty one legged pushcarting.) Finally, at the end of the 1st quarter, Smarty Pants broke through with a full jam to put 4 points on the board for the Holy Rollers. the score at the end of the 1st quarter–ASA: 15, HR:4.
The second quarter began with Sacralicious jamming once again against Rocky Casbah. Sac picked up 3 points, Rocky picked up 2 in a very hard and fast jam! Evil Stellator scored one point in the next jam, but Hispanic Panic was called for a major penalty. The jam was reskated, and Evil Stellator added 3 more points to her total (Horrorshow answered with 2 points of her own in the reskate.) Kategory 5 added 3 more points to the ASA total, and then Rocky Casbah, after a great whip by Dixie Sanchez, scored 5 in the first ever TXRD Grand Slam! (A rule change has now given=2 0the jammer credit for lapping the other team’s jammer.) A penalty on Polly Urethane got a “2 Lap Duel” penalty from the penalty wheel. The Holy Rollers sent Smarty Pants to be her opponent. Polly and Smarty toyed with each other for a lap and half, then Polly made a quick move and whipped herself off of Smarty’s plaid skirt to take the victory! In a jam between Smarty Pants and Curly Suicide, a fight began when Daisy Mae Damage took Sacralicious down to the track. Both benches joined in the fight (including Miss Conduct, who was helping manage the Holy Rollers). Both jammer kept on skating until the dust cleared. The final jam of the half was Damsel Distresser versus Kategory 5. Kat 5 scored 2 points to bring the score to ASA 35, HR 11.
At halftime, a couple of stats were announced. The leading scorer for the Holy Rollers was Smarty Pants with 6 points; for the All Scar Army, Kategory 5 had 13 points. The leading blocker for the Holy Rollers was Anita Confess; for the ASA, Dirty Blonde and Kate or Dye were tied with the most blocks.
The second half of the bout began with a jam between Smarty Pants and Rocky Casbah. Both were held scoreless as the HR blockers held back Rocky and Dixie Sanchez blocked out Smarty. The next jam between Sacralicious and Kategory 5 was called off when Sacralicious took a ha rd shot to the rail and injured her knee. (She later returned to the bout, so the injury does not seem to have been too severe.)
Curly Suicide scored 3 points in the next jam. A major penalty called on Anita Confess (her fourth minor) led to a reskate of the jam. This time, Horrorshow retaliated with 2 points while Curly went scoreless. After a scoreless jam, 2 points from Smarty/3 points from Rocky, and another scoreless jam, Punky Bruiser (also managing the Holy Rollers) was ejected from the bout for insubordination. (This seemed to have something to do with standing in the wrong place, but was never really explained.) She took a victory lap after her ejection and got a lot of high fives from the crowd. On the next jam, Damsel Distresser scored her first rookie point, shutting out Curly Suicide. The next jam was viciously contested between Smarty Pants and Kategory 5–4 for Smarty, 3 for K5. At the end of the 3rd quarter, the score was ASA 43, HR 20.
Smarty Pants was again the Holy Roller jammer (against Evil Stellator)to begin the 4th quarter. She blew through the pack for a full jam. On the next jam, Holly Peno cleared a beautiful path through the pack for Rocky Casbah, but the jammers ran out of time before getting to scoring position. Two scoreless jams followed. Rocky Casbah and Kategory 5 picked up a double penalty and drew a “Tug of War” on the wheel. With 2 points at stake, Rocky tugged against Smarty Pants. Smarty continued her league domination of this penalty, costing the ASA 2 points. (Seriously, Smarty Pants is rock solid on skates during a tug of war). A major penalty on Sacralicious led to a reskate between Hispanic Panic and Kategory 5. Kat 5 scored a full jam for the ASA. Sacralicious was then ejected from the bout. Another scoreless jam followed, then Evil Stellator scored 3 points over the Holy Rollers. Holly Peno picked up a minor penalty for an illegal block and got an “Arm Wrestle” penalty. She was defeated by Crucial Fix. Smarty Pants scored 3 points to Curly Suicide’s 2 in the next jam. A major penalty on Anita Confess cause the last jam of the bout to be a reskate. Smarty Pants scored 2 more points to bring the final score to ASA 50, HR 29. But don’t let the score fool you–the Holy Rollers looked tough and fast. The All Scars showed that every team is a legitimate contender for the 2009 Calvello Cup. Follow the season from the beginning by watching the first official league bout of the season between the Cherry Bombs and the Putas del Fuego at the Austin Convention Center on February 15th! Lady A