Hellcats vs. Cherry Bombs
Ladies and Gentleman, please direct your attention to the center ring! We bring you the Hellcats and the Cherry Bombs both undefeated with a 2-0 record. The winner of this bout determines who will be under the big top at the Calvello Cup and who will return to the ring with the Rhinestone Cowgirls for one more show.  Will the jamming strength of the Hellcats make the Bombs look like clowns? Or will the Bombs prove to be Hellcat tamers and crack the whip? There will be thrills and spills with feats of strength and acrobatics both human and animal. If you thought the last bout was fierce and close, you are in for a treat. Forget Ringling Brothers, this is sure to be the greatest show on earth! Sideshow entertainment provided by The Skeletons and the Pickled Punks.

On Sunday night, the TXRD Rhinestone Cowgirls skated against the Holy Rollers.  Would last year’s victory by the Rhinestone Cowgirls that marred the otherwise perfect season for the Holy Rollers prove to be a fluke?  Or would the Holy Rollers revenge themselves?

The bout began slowly.  Kategory 5 scored one point for the Rhinestone in the first jam.  A scorelss jam followed, and then Truckstop Trixie added another point for the Rhinestones. Smarty Pants took away a Rhinestone point by standing her ground during a tug of war penalty.  Several times in this quarter, the Holy Rollers used the strategy of gaining lead jammer status and then calling off the jam before either team could score points.  Kategory 5, showing why she was last season’s rookie of the year, finally shot through the pack to give three more points to her team.  A penalty on Ms. Behavin’ drew a Two Lap Duel on the penalty wheel; she tagged out and Sacralicious took her place against Truckstop Trixie.  Trixie won, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers, which put them into negative point totals.  Smarty Pants got one point back for the Holy Rollers, but it was just as quickly taken away by a pillow fight victory for Kategory 5.  On the next jam, Smarty Pants snuck through the pack and scored three points, finally putting the Rollers into the positive score totals.  (She was helped through the pack with nice blocks by Anita Confess and Sacralicious)  Kategory 5 scored a full jam for the Rhinestones, and then Sacralicious did the same for the Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Rhinestone Cowgirls 8, Holy Rollers 5.

The second quarter began with Miss Canada scoring two points for the Rhinestones while several hard blocks from Ali Mony held back HR jammer Damsel Distresser.  A duo of close jams followed: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5 sped through their pack to score two and four points; Truckstop Trixie and Horrorshow each picked up a single point on the next jam.  The Holy Rollers then began to cut away at the Rhinestone Cowgirl lead: Sacralicious scored 3 points after winning an arm wrestling penalty, Hispanic Panic added one point, and Smarty Pants jammed for two more.  This tied the score at 14.  A tight jam between Damsel Disresser (two points) and Rollergasm (three points) was followed by a jam where a major penalty was called on Smarty Pants.  On the reskate, Truckstop Trixie subbed in for an injured Rollergasm, got into a fight with Sacralicious, and ended the half without either team scoring in the jam.  The score at the half was Rhinestone Cowgirls 17, Holy Rollers 15.

The top point scorers for the first half were Kategory 5 for the Rhinestones and Smarty Pants and Sacralicious for the Holy Rollers. The top blocker for the Rhinestones was Mummy Dearest and Anita Confess for the Holy Rollers.

After half time, it seemed like the Rhinestone Cowgirls adjusted their strategy.  They began to control the pack speed and better use that speed to their advantage.  Sacralicious and Kategory 5 opened the second half with a very fast jam where they each picked up two points.  Both jammers in the next jam set were thwarted by big blocks: Damsel Distresser was hit by Miss Canada, and Rollergasm was railed by Mz. Behavin’.  Miss Canada was called for a major and Damsel Distresser scored a full jam on the reskate.  In addition to adjusting their pack speed, the Rhinestones really began to give some hard hits.  After a scoreless jam where Smarty Pants was held back by Mummy Dearest, Truckstop Trixie won a pillow fight penalty against Smarty Pants.  The next jam was huge for the Rhinestones: Kategory 5 scored SIX POINTS in a “grand slam plus one” jam.  This charged up the momentum towards the Rhinestones.  Rollergasm added another point for the Rhinestones; Smarty scored one for the Rollers.  The Rhinestones were doing a great job of getting to the front of the pack so they could control the speed and hold back the Holy Roller jammers.  The score at the end of the third quarter was Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 22.

Sacralicious broke out of the first jam set and got way out in front, but then tripped over her own team member and injured her shoulder.  Rollergasm scored another Rhinestone point, but Motley Sue picked up a minor.  Sacralicious, using her good arm, defeated her in an arm wrestling penalty.  Smarty Pants scored a point to continue to chip away at the Rhinestone lead.  A major penalty on Mummy Dearest resulted in a reskate, but both jammers were held scoreless. The Rhinestone Cowgirl skaters were simply speeding away, making it very difficult for the Holy Rollers to catch them and score.  Sacralicious, as lead jammer over Kategory 5, called off her jam in a defensive maneuver.  Damsel Distresser made use of a good whip by Sacralicious to score two points for the Rollers.  A penalty called on Cathy Lix spun a two-lap duel on the penalty wheel.  With the score so close, this penalty really mattered.  Truckstop Trixie eked out a victory over Cathy Lix, who fought her every step of the way, to take away a crucial Holy Roller point.  In the next jam, neither jammer (Sacralicious and Rollergasm) could make it into scoring position due to the speed of the pack.  Sacralicious attempted to whip herself past Rollergasm to score a last second point.  Rollergasm went down with an injury.  For the final jam, the Rhinestone Cowgirls were ahead by two points.  Each team sent their most reliable jammer to the line: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5.  The pack speed kept either jammer from scoring and gave the Rhinestones the victory.  Final score: Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 24.  This bout was very close and intense.  There was a lot of exciting skating, with some of the fastest jammers and hardest hitting blockers in the league squaring off against each other.

See you all at the next bout–the undefeated Hellcats skate against the undefeated Cherry Bombs to determine who will have the advantage going into the playoffs.  See you at the Thunderdome!

Lady A

The TXRD Hellcats and las Putas del Fuego slugged it out old school in Sunday night’s roller derby bout.  The Putas were looking for their first victory of the season, and the Hellcats were looking to continue their march to the Calvello Cup.  Curly Suicide and Lynnie Bruise began the first jam of the night, with Curly scoring one point for the Hellcats.  This jam quickly established a couple of patterns that would recur throughout the night: fast pack speed, low scores, and brutally tough blocking.  Miso Vicious and Curly Suicide defeated Titz McGee and Lynnie Bruise in a pushcart penalty that actually set the Putas back into a negative score.  Purr Anna broke through with a 3 point jam that began the scoring momentum for the Hellcats.  Curly Suicide added another two points, aided by a massive hit on Lynnie Bruise from Glitterotica.  Several scoreless jams followed as the fast pack speed continued.  At many times, the bout almost looked like a foot race.  Dixie Sanchez broke the scoring drought with a full jam, and Curly Suicide added three more points to the board.  At the end of the first quarter, the score was Hellcats 12, Putas 0.
The second quarter began with two major penalties: one on Holly Peno from the end of the first quarter and one on Chicle during the reskate.  Dixie Sanchez made the most of the Putas losing one blocker and skated a full jam.  La Princesa made her first score of the night (two points) to Miso Vicious’s four points.  La Princesa was also a major blocking factor in this bout.  She skated down several Hellcat jammers, keeping them from gaining lead jammer status with some impressive displays of athleticism. In the following jam, Purr Anna threw a strong block on Chicle to get Curly Suicide through the pack, but to no avail.  A strong hit from Crybaby caused Purr Anna to get behind the pack in the next jam and allowed Heine Dancer to put up two more points for the Putas.  Crybaby was then called for a penalty and had to face Kinky Kowalsky in an arm wrestle.  Kinky won without even breaking a sweat.  Maya Mayhem next scored three points after Curly Suicide was sent flying over the rail with a ferocious block by La Princesa.  Catalac kicked into high gear for the Hellcats and scored her first point of the evening.  The first half ended with a fight between Curly Suicide and Maya Mayhem.  The score at the half:  Hellcats 22, Putas del Fuego 6.
Fights and hard hits would turn out to be what defined the second half of this bout.  The half began with three scoreless jams.  A hard fought, fast jam between Purr Anna and Chicle ended with three Hellcat points and two Puta points.  Curly Suicide overcame some more tough blocks by La Princesa to add two more to the Hellcats total.  Heine Dancer (tagged in for Joann Thrax) took away a Hellcat point after winning a long jump penalty over Moko Loco.  In the following jam, Purr Anna had a huge takedown of Heine Dancer, which resulted in Purr Anna’s first ever major penalty.  Chicle illegally took out Catalac in the next jam (Catalac was injured) and earned a major penalty.  A fight broke out between some of the Hellcats and the Flamers (the Putas Jeerleaders) over an ill-timed attempt to rile up the crowd for the Putas while an injured Catalac was still being examined on the track.  After that dust cleared, the third period ended with two scoreless jams.  The score at the end of the third quarter:  Hellcats 26, Putas del Fuego 8.
The scoring drought continued into the fourth quarter until La Princesa broke through with a full jam to add five points to the Putas.  Curly Suicide tried to answer back with a point of her own.  During the next jam, a fight broke out between Moko Loco and La Princesa.  Joann Thrax got the penalty and defeated Lacy Bones in a pillow fight.  The next jam got very messy; another fight broke out, this one between Heine Dancer and Miss Amerikill.  Dirty Blonde (managing the team instead of skating because of an injured knee) also got involved, and both Heine Dancer and Dirty Blonde were ejected from the bout.  Subsequently, during the next jam between Curly Suicide and La Princesa, Heine Dancer threw a stuffed unicorn (a Putacorn, officially) onto the track from the sidelines, interrupting the jam.  Catalac then jammed against Chicle, who scored a point.  Catalac picked up a major.  Purr Anna took Catalac’s place at the jammer line, and Chicle scored three more points, bringing the final score to Hellcats 27, las Putas del Fuego 15.
This bout was less offensive than defensive as the Hellcat jammers seemed to take their foot off the gas a bit in the second half (Dixie Sanchez and Curly Suicide were both speeding through the pack almost at will early in the bout) and work on blocking instead of scoring.  The always scrappy Putas hung in there and fought (literally) to the finish. Rookies for both teams showed great improvement.  The next bout will be between longtime rivals the Holy Rollers and the Rhinestone Cowgirls on May 3.  See you at the Thunderdome!
Lady A

Hankerin’ fer a good ol’ fashioned execution?  See you in Texas…

“CAPITAL PUNISHMENT: BATTLE ON THE BANK II”
SECOND ANNUAL INVITATIONAL BANKED-TRACK ROLLER DERBY TOURNAMENT ROLLS INTO AUSTIN, TX JUNE 20-21, 2009

Save the date, roller derby fanatics! At the Austin Convention Center this coming summer, the TXRD–Lonestar Rollergirls will host “Capital Punishment: Battle on the Bank II,” a two-day banked-track rollerderby tournament where the fiercest roller derby leagues from across the nation will duke it out mano a mano in the sweltering Texas heat. This all-out interleague brawl will showcase some of the top roller derby stars in the U.S., attracting both ferocious banked-track leagues and merciless flat-track leagues who are itchin’ to make their presence known on the bank.

If you thought the historic, first ever banked-track tournament, “Battle on the Bank” in Los Angeles last year was a good time, wait ’til you see it done Texas-style. This time around, many of the same leagues will be anxious to hit the track, ready to draw new blood and reclaim glory. Featured leagues include TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls, LA Derby Dolls, San Diego Derby Dolls, Arizona Derby Dames, Red Dirt Rebellion Rollergirls, Team Legit, Vegas Renegades, and Hurricane Alley Roller Derby. Saturday will see the initial throw-downs, and the victors will move on to Sunday, when just one champion will receive the title.

This rip-roaring event is for folks of all ages, and it ain’t just a fast-paced skater smackdown. “Battle on the Bank II” will also feature a Vendor Village, where fans and skaters alike can pick up one-of-a-kind gifts and skate gear between the bouts, as well as a Jeerleader Competition. Several local bands, including TXRD skater Chicle’s own Cruiserweight, will keep you soakin’ in sweat if the Texas heat don’t get ya first!

We are still seeking sponsors and vendors! For more information, please visit the tournament’s website at www.txrd.com/tourney or www.TXRD.com. See you on the track!

The TXRD Cherry Bombs and Holy Rollers met Sunday night at the Austin Convention Center in a bout that was full of grudges and history. The Holy Rollers were looking to defend their 2008 Calvello Cup championship, and the Cherry Bombs were looking to defeat the Holy Rollers for the first time in the team’s history. This season’s Holy Rollers have been hard hit by injuries and other woes; fully half of the team’s roster was made up of alternates. Missing players included: Smarty Pants, Karma, Cathy Lixx, and Hades Lady, with Punky Bruiser now acting as manager, which left holes in both offensive and defensive attacks. The Cherry Bombs, for a change, were healthy, organized, and ready to roll.

On the first jam of the bout, Cherry Chainsaw picked up what would be the first of many major penalties for both teams. Rocky Casbah, Lucy Cannon, and Rice Rice Baby then helped the Cherry Bombs jump to a quick lead with back to back to back full jams. Sacralicious responded with a full jam for the Holy Rollers. Kate or Dye added two more points for the Bombs while skating against rookie alternate Lady Libertine, who was railed by Polly Urethane. Two minor penalties resulted in a two lap duel between Lucy Cannon and Moko Loco (tagging in for Mz. Behavin’). Lucy Cannon managed to recover from a vicious takedown and win the two lap duel, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers. Damsel Distresser and Sacralicious put back a few more points for the Holy Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Cherry Bombs 18, Holy Rollers 4.
The second quarter began with a major penalty on Honey Homicide. Sacralicious scored a full jam on the reskate. During some confusion, due to a time clock issue, Lucy Cannon injured her ankle, which took her out of the rest of the bout. After a full jam by Rocky Casbah, there were several scoreless jams in which the jammers called them off in defensive maneuvers. During a jam between Daisy Mae Damage and Sacralicious, Moko Loco committed a major penalty that got her ejected from the bout. On the reskate, both Daisy Mae Damage and Sacralicious scored two points. A grand slam jam by Rocky Casbah at the end of the half brought the score to Cherry Bombs 30, Holy Rollers 11.
The leading scorers in the first half were Rocky Casbah (CB) and Sacralicious (HR). The leading blockers for the half were Polly Urethane (CB) and Anita Confess (HR).
The third quarter had a lot of back and forth point scoring. Sacralicious got a full jam for the Holy Rollers; Daisy Mae Damage got one for the Cherry Bombs, and Horrorshow scored three for the Rollers. Sacralicious won a long jump to save points for the Holy Rollers. Rice Rice Baby and Rocky Casbah picked up back to back grand slams to extend the Cherry Bomb lead to 46 over the Holy Rollers 20 at the end of the third quarter.
The fourth quarter was full of fights, defensive calls, and major penalties. (The Cherry Bombs had clearly called off the dogs a bit at this point. This did not mean the Holy Rollers were going down easily.) Honey Homicide picked up her second major penalty. Daisy Mae Damage and Lady Libertine scored 3 points for their teams. Honey Homicide served up a third major penalty and was accordingly ejected from the bout. Alison Chains won a pillow fight over ReNeePalm. Hispanic Panic scored a full jam for the Holy Rollers in a last effort to contribute. She was then ejected for pushing a referee. The final jam featured a speed race between Rocky Casbah and Sacralicious that was thrilling: the two jammers were skating so fast that they ended up wiping out on a curve. The final score: Cherry Bombs 53, Holy Rollers 29 in this first ever victory for the Cherry Bombs over the Holy Rollers. The Cherry Bombs displayed excellent communication between their blockers while in the pack, and their scoring threat proves to be both highly skilled and deep in numbers. The Holy Rollers, while missing the contributions of their absent players, did pick up some valuable experience for their rookies, especially Damsel Distresser, who saw a lot of action at the jam line.
Next bout: Sunday, April 19, with the Hellcats taking on las Putas del Fuego.
Lady A

On Sunday, March 8th, the Hellcats skated against the Rhinestone Cowgirls in the second bout of the TXRD season.  Both teams came to this bout with desire, drive,and determination.  If this bout is any indication, the 2009 season is going to be a nail biter up until the end.
Kategory 5 started the bout off with a bang for the Rhinestone Cowgirls, scoring a five point grand slam jam.  Dixie Sanchez answered right back with four points of her own.  This pattern would continue all night long.  Both teams played very physical games:  there were a lot of falling skaters, hard hits, and called penalties.  The Hellcats made excellent use of their extremely deep jamming rotation; the Rhinestone Cowgirls focused on defending the pack and opening up a path for their power jammer, Kategory 5.  The Rhinestones also used their penalties to advantage:  Truckstop Trixie scrapped her way to a pillow fight victory, and Miss Canada won a two lap duel on a last moment belly flop over the line.  In the last jam of the quarter, Purr Anna added three points to put the Hellcats ahead 11 to 9.
The second quarter began with some penalty business from the previous jam.  Both Mummy Dearest and Truckstop Trixie had to sit out during a reskate of the jam due to major penalties.  Although Ali Mony and Natorious valiantly tried to block in the pack, Purr Anna scored a five point Grand Slam in a jam that hugely turned the momentum in favor of the Hellcats.  The back and forth scoring continued–Kategory 5 would add one, Dixie Sanchez would score two.  Rollergazm would score one, Kategory 5 would score three, then Dixie Sanchez scored four.  The Rhinestones did an excellent job shutting down Curly Suicide, usually a big scoring threat for the Hellcats.  Dixie Sanchez and Purr Anna really stepped up and took leadership as scorers in her place.  At the end of the first half, the score was Hellcats 22, Rhinestone Cowgirls 16.

1st half–Hellcat Scorers:
Dixie Sanchez-14 points
Purr Anna–8 points
Dirty Blonde–2 points
Miso Vicious–1
Catalac–0 points
Curly Suicide– 0 points

Rhinestone Cowgirls Scorers:
Kategory 5–14 points
Rollergazm–3 points
Miss Canada–0 points
Truckstop Trixie–0 points
Skate Wolf–0 points

The second half began much like the first half:  Kategory 5 scored two points to Curly Suicide’s zero to start the action rolling.  After a scoreless jam, Kategory 5 and Dirty Blonde both incurred minor penalties.  They spun a two lap duel on the penalty wheel.  Each skater tried to pants the other as she made her way around the track.  Kategory 5 at the last moment whipped herself off of Dirty Blonde’s spankies and won the duel.  A particularly nasty tripping call on Rhinestone rookie Al B. Nasty resulted in a major penalty and a reskate.  Purr Anna was once again able to capitalize on a penalty and scored 3 unanswered points for the Hellcats.  A minor penalty on Mummy Dearest spun an arm wrestle penalty.  Rookie Kinky Kowalsky destroyed Mummy Dearest for the Hellcats.  (She was also impressive in an earlier tug of war penalty–this girl is a beast!) For the next jam, Glitterotica refocused all of her blocking efforts on Kategory 5.  She drew a major penalty, and Dixie Sanchez was able to further extend the Hellcat scoring run with two points.  Miss Canada answered back with four points, while Catalac was being blocked out hard by Mummy Dearest.  Mummy Dearest picked up another major penalty, but Miss Canada called off the reskate before any points were scored.  At the end of the third quarter, the score was Hellcats 26, Rhinestone Cowgirls 21.
By the start of the fourth quarter, the Convention Center was humming with the intensity of the crowd.  Neither team showed any signs of quitting or giving up the fight.  Penalties were even more frequent, and the pack action was more intense.  A major on Kategory 5 from the last jam led to yet another reskate.  Moko Loco was able to score four very important points for the Hellcats.  She picked up a major for pushing, but no points were scored in the reskate.  Kategory 5 then had a big jam where she scored four points.  A minor penalty on Mummy Dearest led to an exciting relay race penalty, that the Hellcats won after both teams dropped the baton.  Purr Anna scored a point for the HC, Dixie Sanchez scored three more, then Kategory 5 scored four for the RC.  Dixie Sanchez faced off against Kategory 5 again–Dixie scored one and Kategory scored two.  Major penalties were called on both Dirty Blonde and Diablo; Kategory 5 added two more points in the reskate to bring the score to Hellcats 35, Rhinestone Cowgirls 32 with one jam left to skate.  The crowd was on its feet, screaming for both teams.  Purr Anna faced off against Rollergazm.  Rollergazm was held back in the pack while Purr Ann fought her way to the front and called off the jam to end the bout.  Final score:  Hellcats 35, Rhinestone Cowgirls 32.
This bout was thrilling and intense throughout.  Both teams played with a ton of heart–no one could say that they didn’t leave everything they had out on the track.  Both started their season with big statements:  neither of these teams can be counted out of the Calvello Cup chase by a long shot.  Next bout–Sunday, March 28th–the Cherry Bombs take on the Holy Rollers.  See you at the Thunderdome!!!!

Lady A

–
TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls
Skater owned and operated since 2001
Check out our website at TXRD.com
Support your local rollerderby!

CHERRY BOMBS 59, PUTAS DEL FUEGO 22

TXRD—LONESTAR ROLLERGIRLS SEASON OPENS WITH A BANG

The Cherry Bombs and the Putas del Fuego threw-down Sunday night, in front of an insanely crowded hall, for the first regular bout of the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls season. Both teams were looking to make a statement: the Cherry Bombs were celebrating the return of roller derby legend Cherry Chainsaw from retirement, and the Putas were looking forward to debuting some very promising rookies. In the end, the Cherry Bombs went home victorious with the final score tallied to 59-22.

The first quarter was neck and neck. Rocky Casbah and Lynnie Bruise each put 3 points on the board to get the bout rolling. La Princessa made her jamming debut for the Putas, and although she was blocked hard in her first jam by Polly Urethane, it was clear to the crowd that this skater has some serious skills. The teams pushed and pulled back and forth, each scoring a point here and there. A 2-point long jump penalty loss for the Cherry Bombs (Heine Dancer only had to hop over the line because Lucy Cannon foot faulted) and a full jam by Heine Dancer pushed the Putas del Fuego ahead. Cherry Bomb powerhouse Rocky Casbah countered with a full jam of her own to close the gap. At the end of the first quarter, the score was Putas del Fuego 9, Cherry Bombs 8.

The second quarter began with some leftover penalty clean up from the first quarter. Lucy Cannon earned a minor penalty and pillow fought with La Princessa, who dominated in battle. At this point, the Cherry Bombs really began to hit their stride. Honey Homicide took charge at the pivot position and began clearing trails for her jammers to break through. While the Cherry Bombs held the Putas scoreless, Kate or Dye scored 2 points, Rocky Casbah scored 3 points, and Lucy Cannon scored 3 points. La Princessa broke the Putas scoring drought with a full 4 point jam, although Kate or Dye was right beside her to add 4 points of her own. There were lots of penalties for both teams in this bout, especially in the second quarter. Polly Urethane defeated Maya Mayhem in a two-lap duel, JoAnn Thrax was victorious in a pillow fight with Candi Sniper, and Cherry Chainsaw destroyed Heine Dancer in an arm wrestle. Lucy Cannon and Rocky Casbah’s combined efforts pulled another 9 points in to bring the score at the end of the first half to Cherry Bombs 28, Putas del Fuego 13.

The top point scorers for the first half were Rocky Casbah with 16 points for the Cherry Bombs and La Princessa with 6 points for the Putas. Honey Homicide led the Cherry Bombs in blocks; Death Vallery led the Putas in blocks.

The Cherry Bombs approached the third quarter in defensive mode. For several jams, they called the jam off before the Putas could score. Kate or Dye then broke through with a full jam to re-energize the CB offensive. The Putas came back a little with big scores from Heine Dancer and Lynnie Bruise, but the relentless Cherry Bombs scoring machine continued rolling forward. The score at the end of the third quarter was Cherry Bombs 37, Putas 22.

The Cherry Bomb scoring drive continued in the fourth quarter, with Lucy Cannon, Rocky Casbah and Daisy Mae Damage putting big numbers on the board. (Daisy Mae Damage scored back-to-back grand slam 5 point jams.) The bout became a mess of penalties and skater antics as the Cherry Bombs called off the big guns against the Putas. Death Vallery was ejected from the bout after getting 3 major penalties. The final score of the bout was Cherry Bombs 59, Putas del Fuego 22. Both teams skated hard and fast. The Putas del Fuego gained valuable experience for their rookies and let everyone know that the rumors were true–La Princessa is the real thing. Also, Lynnie Bruise and Heine Dancer have continued to improve. The Cherry Bombs showed that they are not a one-trick pony, standing behind Rocky Casbah: they possess multiple scoring threats and a very smart defense, which should combine to make them a force to be reckoned with this season.

The next bout will be held on Sunday, March 8, with the Hellcats taking on the Rhinestone Cowgirls at the Austin Convention Center.

http://www.budgettravel.com/bt-dyn/content/article/2009/01/03/AR2009010301140.html

On January 4, the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls kicked off their 2009 season. Following tradition, the first bout of the season was an expo bout between the Holy Rollers (2008 Calvello Cup Champions) and The All Scar Army, a team of all star skaters from the other four teams in the league. After intros featuring crashing drums and blessing nuns, the skaters hit the banked track.

The Holy Rollers relied on their strong jammers–Smarty Pants, Sacralicious, Horrorshow, and Hispanic Panic. The All Scar Army frequently sent Rocky Casbah, Kategory 5 (2008 Rookie of the Year), Evil Stellator, and Curly Suicide to the line. Using so many young jammers allowed the All Scar Army to use other skaters who often jam (such as Dirty Blonde, Dixie Sanchez, and Kate or Dye) as a defensive threat. The ASA jumped out to a quick lead on a full jam by Kategory 5. Several scoreless jams follwed as both team’s defenses looked to establish their presenc e. Rocky Casbah put 2 more points on the board for the ASA while jamming against Sacralicious. This set off several jams where the ASA built their lead–3 points from Evil Stellator, then 2 points from Curly Suicide. Damsel Distresser made her rookie debut jamming for the HRs, though she was held scoreless by the ASA defense. A penalty on Holly Peno drew a “Pushcart” penalty on the penalty wheel. Holly Peno and Rocky Casbah faced off against Smarty Pants and Sacralicious. After a tightly fought race, the ASA came out on top, saving their penalty point. (Sacralicious did show off some pretty nifty one legged pushcarting.) Finally, at the end of the 1st quarter, Smarty Pants broke through with a full jam to put 4 points on the board for the Holy Rollers. the score at the end of the 1st quarter–ASA: 15, HR:4.

The second quarter began with Sacralicious jamming once again against Rocky Casbah. Sac picked up 3 points, Rocky picked up 2 in a very hard and fast jam! Evil Stellator scored one point in the next jam, but Hispanic Panic was called for a major penalty. The jam was reskated, and Evil Stellator added 3 more points to her total (Horrorshow answered with 2 points of her own in the reskate.) Kategory 5 added 3 more points to the ASA total, and then Rocky Casbah, after a great whip by Dixie Sanchez, scored 5 in the first ever TXRD Grand Slam! (A rule change has now given=2 0the jammer credit for lapping the other team’s jammer.) A penalty on Polly Urethane got a “2 Lap Duel” penalty from the penalty wheel. The Holy Rollers sent Smarty Pants to be her opponent. Polly and Smarty toyed with each other for a lap and half, then Polly made a quick move and whipped herself off of Smarty’s plaid skirt to take the victory! In a jam between Smarty Pants and Curly Suicide, a fight began when Daisy Mae Damage took Sacralicious down to the track. Both benches joined in the fight (including Miss Conduct, who was helping manage the Holy Rollers). Both jammer kept on skating until the dust cleared. The final jam of the half was Damsel Distresser versus Kategory 5. Kat 5 scored 2 points to bring the score to ASA 35, HR 11.

At halftime, a couple of stats were announced. The leading scorer for the Holy Rollers was Smarty Pants with 6 points; for the All Scar Army, Kategory 5 had 13 points. The leading blocker for the Holy Rollers was Anita Confess; for the ASA, Dirty Blonde and Kate or Dye were tied with the most blocks.

The second half of the bout began with a jam between Smarty Pants and Rocky Casbah. Both were held scoreless as the HR blockers held back Rocky and Dixie Sanchez blocked out Smarty. The next jam between Sacralicious and Kategory 5 was called off when Sacralicious took a ha rd shot to the rail and injured her knee. (She later returned to the bout, so the injury does not seem to have been too severe.)

Curly Suicide scored 3 points in the next jam. A major penalty called on Anita Confess (her fourth minor) led to a reskate of the jam. This time, Horrorshow retaliated with 2 points while Curly went scoreless. After a scoreless jam, 2 points from Smarty/3 points from Rocky, and another scoreless jam, Punky Bruiser (also managing the Holy Rollers) was ejected from the bout for insubordination. (This seemed to have something to do with standing in the wrong place, but was never really explained.) She took a victory lap after her ejection and got a lot of high fives from the crowd. On the next jam, Damsel Distresser scored her first rookie point, shutting out Curly Suicide. The next jam was viciously contested between Smarty Pants and Kategory 5–4 for Smarty, 3 for K5. At the end of the 3rd quarter, the score was ASA 43, HR 20.

Smarty Pants was again the Holy Roller jammer (against Evil Stellator)to begin the 4th quarter. She blew through the pack for a full jam. On the next jam, Holly Peno cleared a beautiful path through the pack for Rocky Casbah, but the jammers ran out of time before getting to scoring position. Two scoreless jams followed. Rocky Casbah and Kategory 5 picked up a double penalty and drew a “Tug of War” on the wheel. With 2 points at stake, Rocky tugged against Smarty Pants. Smarty continued her league domination of this penalty, costing the ASA 2 points. (Seriously, Smarty Pants is rock solid on skates during a tug of war). A major penalty on Sacralicious led to a reskate between Hispanic Panic and Kategory 5. Kat 5 scored a full jam for the ASA. Sacralicious was then ejected from the bout. Another scoreless jam followed, then Evil Stellator scored 3 points over the Holy Rollers. Holly Peno picked up a minor penalty for an illegal block and got an “Arm Wrestle” penalty. She was defeated by Crucial Fix. Smarty Pants scored 3 points to Curly Suicide’s 2 in the next jam. A major penalty on Anita Confess cause the last jam of the bout to be a reskate. Smarty Pants scored 2 more points to bring the final score to ASA 50, HR 29. But don’t let the score fool you–the Holy Rollers looked tough and fast. The All Scars showed that every team is a legitimate contender for the 2009 Calvello Cup. Follow the season from the beginning by watching the first official league bout of the season between the Cherry Bombs and the Putas del Fuego at the Austin Convention Center on February 15th! Lady A