Two undefeated teams, the Cherry Bombs and the Hellcats, entered the Thunderdome for this Sunday’s TXRD roller derby bout. Only one team would remain so at the end of the evening. Would it be last year’s Calvello Cup runner-up, the Hellcats? Or would it be the hungry, finally healthy Cherry Bombs? The Convention Center was filled with intensity and dedicated fans for both teams.

The Cherry Bombs jumped out to an early lead with three points from Rocky Casbah. Lucy Cannon added three more (with Purr Anna hot on her tail scoring one for the Hellcats). A full jam by Daisy Mae Damage brought the score to Cherry Bombs 10, Hellcats 1. A minor penalty on Dixie Sanchez resulted in a pillow fight penalty. Kinky Kowalsky tagged in to fight Alison Chains, but lost in a very close fight. The two point deduction sent the Hellcats back into a negative score. The next jam between Rocky Casbah and Curly Suicide was called off in a defensive move by the Cherry Bombs (this would be repeated multiple times throughout the bout). A tug of war penalty on Honey Homicide was won by Kinky Kowalsky of the Hellcats. Miso Vicious contributed three points to the Hellcats total and Catalac added two. Rookie Rice Rice Baby scored three points, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Cherry Bombs 12, Hellcats 4.

The second quarter began with a penalty on Dixie Sanchez. The Cherry Bombs won the relay race penalty to cost the Hellcats another point. A messy jam between Rice Rice Baby and Curly Suicide ended with a major on Cherry Chainsaw. On the reskate, Curly Suicide scored a full jam to help jump start the Hellcat offense. Rocky Casbah answered with one point, and Lucy Cannon scored three points two jams later. Miso Vicious answered with a full jam. A minor penalty on Hellcat Moxie Rotten spun another relay race penalty on the wheel, which the Cherry Bombs again won. During the next jam between Rocky Casbah and Purr Anna, a major penalty was called on Catalac. During the reskate, Lucy Cannon at pivot cleared the Hellcat pack for Rocky, who was able to score a five point grand slam jam. Kate or Dye scored three points in the next jam to end the first half. At halftime, the score was Cherry Bombs 24, Hellcats 10.

Both teams adjusted their strategy at halftime. The Cherry Bombs switched over to a more defensive mode of play, while the Hellcats adjusted their pack play to better assist their jammers. The first jam was very tight between Rocky Casbah and Curly Suicide. Curly was ahead of the pack, but Rocky was able to call the jam off in a defensive maneuver because Curly had stepped off the inside of the track. Miso Vicious scored a full jam the next time out for the Hellcats. A jam between Lucy Cannon and Curly Suicide ended with a major on Dixie Sanchez (who did some extensive blocking and pivot work in this bout). On the reskate, Lucy Cannon scored a grand slam five points. Several scoreless jams followed, showcasing some top notch blocking from Knottie Knoxville (in her first bout back from retirement) and Cherry Chainsaw. Dixie Sanchez broke through the pack and scored five points for the Hellcats to rev up their scoring momentum. Curly Suicide scored another four points and it seemed that the tide had really begun to turn towards the Hellcats. Rocky Casbah scored three points to grab some momentum back for the Cherry Bombs. At the end of the third quarter, the score was Cherry Bombs 32, Hellcats 23.

The fourth quarter started with a penalty on Polly Urethane. In her two lap duel against TiNutz, Polly used a last second whip/tackle/block to propel herself across the finish line and save the point. In the next jam between Lucy Cannon and Curly Suicide, a fight erupted and the jam was called off. Hellcat manager Johnny Stranger was then ejected from the bout, and clipboards were thrown. Miso Vicious scored another full jam. A minor penalty on Knottie Knoxville went to the arm wrestling table, where Knox defeated Polly Urethane. The next jam went scoreless, as neither Lucy Cannon nor Curly Suicide were able to get through a very tough pack. Knottie Knoxville won another arm wrestling penalty, this one against Cherry Chainsaw (both arm wrestling legends). Later in the quarter, Catalac scored two points to bring the Hellcats ever closer to the Cherry Bombs. Another jam between Rocky Casbah and Catalac saw Rocky score three points and Catalac score two. This brought the score to Cherry Bombs 34, Hellcats 33. The last jam of the bout was between Lucy Cannon and Miso Vicious. The Cherry Bomb blockers were able to hold Miso back in the pack, and the final score would remain Cherry Bombs 34, Hellcats 33. The finish was huge! The crowd was screaming and totally involved in the action on the track.

This bout was interesting and used some unexpected strategy. The Cherry Bombs capitalized on a surprising early lead to put themselves in control of a lot of the bout. The Hellcats made the decision to primarily use Curly Suicide, Miso Vicious, and Catalac as their main jammers while keeping Dixie Sanchez, Purr Anna, and Knottie Knoxville doing a lot of defensive work (all three of whom have the potential to be offensive threats as well). When these two teams meet again, look out: all bets are off! Both teams showed terrific athleticism, heart, and careful use of strategy.

Next bout–the Rhinestone Cowgirls versus las Putas del Fuego on May 31 at the Austin Convention Center. See you at the Thunderdome!

Lady A

–

Ali Mony

$10,000/month

On Sunday night, the TXRD Rhinestone Cowgirls skated against the Holy Rollers.  Would last year’s victory by the Rhinestone Cowgirls that marred the otherwise perfect season for the Holy Rollers prove to be a fluke?  Or would the Holy Rollers revenge themselves?

The bout began slowly.  Kategory 5 scored one point for the Rhinestone in the first jam.  A scorelss jam followed, and then Truckstop Trixie added another point for the Rhinestones. Smarty Pants took away a Rhinestone point by standing her ground during a tug of war penalty.  Several times in this quarter, the Holy Rollers used the strategy of gaining lead jammer status and then calling off the jam before either team could score points.  Kategory 5, showing why she was last season’s rookie of the year, finally shot through the pack to give three more points to her team.  A penalty on Ms. Behavin’ drew a Two Lap Duel on the penalty wheel; she tagged out and Sacralicious took her place against Truckstop Trixie.  Trixie won, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers, which put them into negative point totals.  Smarty Pants got one point back for the Holy Rollers, but it was just as quickly taken away by a pillow fight victory for Kategory 5.  On the next jam, Smarty Pants snuck through the pack and scored three points, finally putting the Rollers into the positive score totals.  (She was helped through the pack with nice blocks by Anita Confess and Sacralicious)  Kategory 5 scored a full jam for the Rhinestones, and then Sacralicious did the same for the Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Rhinestone Cowgirls 8, Holy Rollers 5.
The second quarter began with Miss Canada scoring two points for the Rhinestones while several hard blocks from Ali Mony held back HR jammer Damsel Distresser.  A duo of close jams followed: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5 sped through their pack to score two and four points; Truckstop Trixie and Horrorshow each picked up a single point on the next jam.  The Holy Rollers then began to cut away at the Rhinestone Cowgirl lead: Sacralicious scored 3 points after winning an arm wrestling penalty, Hispanic Panic added one point, and Smarty Pants jammed for two more.  This tied the score at 14.  A tight jam between Damsel Disresser (two points) and Rollergasm (three points) was followed by a jam where a major penalty was called on Smarty Pants.  On the reskate, Truckstop Trixie subbed in for an injured Rollergasm, got into a fight with Sacralicious, and ended the half without either team scoring in the jam.  The score at the half was Rhinestone Cowgirls 17, Holy Rollers 15.

The top point scorers for the first half were Kategory 5 for the Rhinestones and Smarty Pants and Sacralicious for the Holy Rollers. The top blocker for the Rhinestones was Mummy Dearest and Anita Confess for the Holy Rollers.

After half time, it seemed like the Rhinestone Cowgirls adjusted their strategy.  They began to control the pack speed and better use that speed to their advantage.  Sacralicious and Kategory 5 opened the second half with a very fast jam where they each picked up two points.  Both jammers in the next jam set were thwarted by big blocks: Damsel Distresser was hit by Miss Canada, and Rollergasm was railed by Mz. Behavin’.  Miss Canada was called for a major and Damsel Distresser scored a full jam on the reskate.  In addition to adjusting their pack speed, the Rhinestones really began to give some hard hits.  After a scoreless jam where Smarty Pants was held back by Mummy Dearest, Truckstop Trixie won a pillow fight penalty against Smarty Pants.  The next jam was huge for the Rhinestones: Kategory 5 scored SIX POINTS in a “grand slam plus one” jam.  This charged up the momentum towards the Rhinestones.  Rollergasm added another point for the Rhinestones; Smarty scored one for the Rollers.  The Rhinestones were doing a great job of getting to the front of the pack so they could control the speed and hold back the Holy Roller jammers.  The score at the end of the third quarter was Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 22.

Sacralicious broke out of the first jam set and got way out in front, but then tripped over her own team member and injured her shoulder.  Rollergasm scored another Rhinestone point, but Motley Sue picked up a minor.  Sacralicious, using her good arm, defeated her in an arm wrestling penalty.  Smarty Pants scored a point to continue to chip away at the Rhinestone lead.  A major penalty on Mummy Dearest resulted in a reskate, but both jammers were held scoreless. The Rhinestone Cowgirl skaters were simply speeding away, making it very difficult for the Holy Rollers to catch them and score.  Sacralicious, as lead jammer over Kategory 5, called off her jam in a defensive maneuver.  Damsel Distresser made use of a good whip by Sacralicious to score two points for the Rollers.  A penalty called on Cathy Lix spun a two-lap duel on the penalty wheel.  With the score so close, this penalty really mattered.  Truckstop Trixie eked out a victory over Cathy Lix, who fought her every step of the way, to take away a crucial Holy Roller point.  In the next jam, neither jammer (Sacralicious and Rollergasm) could make it into scoring position due to the speed of the pack.  Sacralicious attempted to whip herself past Rollergasm to score a last second point.  Rollergasm went down with an injury.  For the final jam, the Rhinestone Cowgirls were ahead by two points.  Each team sent their most reliable jammer to the line: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5.  The pack speed kept either jammer from scoring and gave the Rhinestones the victory.  Final score: Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 24.  This bout was very close and intense.  There was a lot of exciting skating, with some of the fastest jammers and hardest hitting blockers in the league squaring off against each other.

See you all at the next bout–the undefeated Hellcats skate against the undefeated Cherry Bombs to determine who will have the advantage going into the playoffs.  See you at the Thunderdome!

On Sunday night, the TXRD Rhinestone Cowgirls skated against the Holy Rollers.  Would last year’s victory by the Rhinestone Cowgirls that marred the otherwise perfect season for the Holy Rollers prove to be a fluke?  Or would the Holy Rollers revenge themselves?

The bout began slowly.  Kategory 5 scored one point for the Rhinestone in the first jam.  A scorelss jam followed, and then Truckstop Trixie added another point for the Rhinestones. Smarty Pants took away a Rhinestone point by standing her ground during a tug of war penalty.  Several times in this quarter, the Holy Rollers used the strategy of gaining lead jammer status and then calling off the jam before either team could score points.  Kategory 5, showing why she was last season’s rookie of the year, finally shot through the pack to give three more points to her team.  A penalty on Ms. Behavin’ drew a Two Lap Duel on the penalty wheel; she tagged out and Sacralicious took her place against Truckstop Trixie.  Trixie won, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers, which put them into negative point totals.  Smarty Pants got one point back for the Holy Rollers, but it was just as quickly taken away by a pillow fight victory for Kategory 5.  On the next jam, Smarty Pants snuck through the pack and scored three points, finally putting the Rollers into the positive score totals.  (She was helped through the pack with nice blocks by Anita Confess and Sacralicious)  Kategory 5 scored a full jam for the Rhinestones, and then Sacralicious did the same for the Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Rhinestone Cowgirls 8, Holy Rollers 5.

The second quarter began with Miss Canada scoring two points for the Rhinestones while several hard blocks from Ali Mony held back HR jammer Damsel Distresser.  A duo of close jams followed: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5 sped through their pack to score two and four points; Truckstop Trixie and Horrorshow each picked up a single point on the next jam.  The Holy Rollers then began to cut away at the Rhinestone Cowgirl lead: Sacralicious scored 3 points after winning an arm wrestling penalty, Hispanic Panic added one point, and Smarty Pants jammed for two more.  This tied the score at 14.  A tight jam between Damsel Disresser (two points) and Rollergasm (three points) was followed by a jam where a major penalty was called on Smarty Pants.  On the reskate, Truckstop Trixie subbed in for an injured Rollergasm, got into a fight with Sacralicious, and ended the half without either team scoring in the jam.  The score at the half was Rhinestone Cowgirls 17, Holy Rollers 15.

The top point scorers for the first half were Kategory 5 for the Rhinestones and Smarty Pants and Sacralicious for the Holy Rollers. The top blocker for the Rhinestones was Mummy Dearest and Anita Confess for the Holy Rollers.

After half time, it seemed like the Rhinestone Cowgirls adjusted their strategy.  They began to control the pack speed and better use that speed to their advantage.  Sacralicious and Kategory 5 opened the second half with a very fast jam where they each picked up two points.  Both jammers in the next jam set were thwarted by big blocks: Damsel Distresser was hit by Miss Canada, and Rollergasm was railed by Mz. Behavin’.  Miss Canada was called for a major and Damsel Distresser scored a full jam on the reskate.  In addition to adjusting their pack speed, the Rhinestones really began to give some hard hits.  After a scoreless jam where Smarty Pants was held back by Mummy Dearest, Truckstop Trixie won a pillow fight penalty against Smarty Pants.  The next jam was huge for the Rhinestones: Kategory 5 scored SIX POINTS in a “grand slam plus one” jam.  This charged up the momentum towards the Rhinestones.  Rollergasm added another point for the Rhinestones; Smarty scored one for the Rollers.  The Rhinestones were doing a great job of getting to the front of the pack so they could control the speed and hold back the Holy Roller jammers.  The score at the end of the third quarter was Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 22.

Sacralicious broke out of the first jam set and got way out in front, but then tripped over her own team member and injured her shoulder.  Rollergasm scored another Rhinestone point, but Motley Sue picked up a minor.  Sacralicious, using her good arm, defeated her in an arm wrestling penalty.  Smarty Pants scored a point to continue to chip away at the Rhinestone lead.  A major penalty on Mummy Dearest resulted in a reskate, but both jammers were held scoreless. The Rhinestone Cowgirl skaters were simply speeding away, making it very difficult for the Holy Rollers to catch them and score.  Sacralicious, as lead jammer over Kategory 5, called off her jam in a defensive maneuver.  Damsel Distresser made use of a good whip by Sacralicious to score two points for the Rollers.  A penalty called on Cathy Lix spun a two-lap duel on the penalty wheel.  With the score so close, this penalty really mattered.  Truckstop Trixie eked out a victory over Cathy Lix, who fought her every step of the way, to take away a crucial Holy Roller point.  In the next jam, neither jammer (Sacralicious and Rollergasm) could make it into scoring position due to the speed of the pack.  Sacralicious attempted to whip herself past Rollergasm to score a last second point.  Rollergasm went down with an injury.  For the final jam, the Rhinestone Cowgirls were ahead by two points.  Each team sent their most reliable jammer to the line: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5.  The pack speed kept either jammer from scoring and gave the Rhinestones the victory.  Final score: Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 24.  This bout was very close and intense.  There was a lot of exciting skating, with some of the fastest jammers and hardest hitting blockers in the league squaring off against each other.

See you all at the next bout–the undefeated Hellcats skate against the undefeated Cherry Bombs to determine who will have the advantage going into the playoffs.  See you at the Thunderdome!

Lady A

The TXRD Hellcats and las Putas del Fuego slugged it out old school in Sunday night’s roller derby bout.  The Putas were looking for their first victory of the season, and the Hellcats were looking to continue their march to the Calvello Cup.  Curly Suicide and Lynnie Bruise began the first jam of the night, with Curly scoring one point for the Hellcats.  This jam quickly established a couple of patterns that would recur throughout the night: fast pack speed, low scores, and brutally tough blocking.  Miso Vicious and Curly Suicide defeated Titz McGee and Lynnie Bruise in a pushcart penalty that actually set the Putas back into a negative score.  Purr Anna broke through with a 3 point jam that began the scoring momentum for the Hellcats.  Curly Suicide added another two points, aided by a massive hit on Lynnie Bruise from Glitterotica.  Several scoreless jams followed as the fast pack speed continued.  At many times, the bout almost looked like a foot race.  Dixie Sanchez broke the scoring drought with a full jam, and Curly Suicide added three more points to the board.  At the end of the first quarter, the score was Hellcats 12, Putas 0.
The second quarter began with two major penalties: one on Holly Peno from the end of the first quarter and one on Chicle during the reskate.  Dixie Sanchez made the most of the Putas losing one blocker and skated a full jam.  La Princesa made her first score of the night (two points) to Miso Vicious’s four points.  La Princesa was also a major blocking factor in this bout.  She skated down several Hellcat jammers, keeping them from gaining lead jammer status with some impressive displays of athleticism. In the following jam, Purr Anna threw a strong block on Chicle to get Curly Suicide through the pack, but to no avail.  A strong hit from Crybaby caused Purr Anna to get behind the pack in the next jam and allowed Heine Dancer to put up two more points for the Putas.  Crybaby was then called for a penalty and had to face Kinky Kowalsky in an arm wrestle.  Kinky won without even breaking a sweat.  Maya Mayhem next scored three points after Curly Suicide was sent flying over the rail with a ferocious block by La Princesa.  Catalac kicked into high gear for the Hellcats and scored her first point of the evening.  The first half ended with a fight between Curly Suicide and Maya Mayhem.  The score at the half:  Hellcats 22, Putas del Fuego 6.
Fights and hard hits would turn out to be what defined the second half of this bout.  The half began with three scoreless jams.  A hard fought, fast jam between Purr Anna and Chicle ended with three Hellcat points and two Puta points.  Curly Suicide overcame some more tough blocks by La Princesa to add two more to the Hellcats total.  Heine Dancer (tagged in for Joann Thrax) took away a Hellcat point after winning a long jump penalty over Moko Loco.  In the following jam, Purr Anna had a huge takedown of Heine Dancer, which resulted in Purr Anna’s first ever major penalty.  Chicle illegally took out Catalac in the next jam (Catalac was injured) and earned a major penalty.  A fight broke out between some of the Hellcats and the Flamers (the Putas Jeerleaders) over an ill-timed attempt to rile up the crowd for the Putas while an injured Catalac was still being examined on the track.  After that dust cleared, the third period ended with two scoreless jams.  The score at the end of the third quarter:  Hellcats 26, Putas del Fuego 8.
The scoring drought continued into the fourth quarter until La Princesa broke through with a full jam to add five points to the Putas.  Curly Suicide tried to answer back with a point of her own.  During the next jam, a fight broke out between Moko Loco and La Princesa.  Joann Thrax got the penalty and defeated Lacy Bones in a pillow fight.  The next jam got very messy; another fight broke out, this one between Heine Dancer and Miss Amerikill.  Dirty Blonde (managing the team instead of skating because of an injured knee) also got involved, and both Heine Dancer and Dirty Blonde were ejected from the bout.  Subsequently, during the next jam between Curly Suicide and La Princesa, Heine Dancer threw a stuffed unicorn (a Putacorn, officially) onto the track from the sidelines, interrupting the jam.  Catalac then jammed against Chicle, who scored a point.  Catalac picked up a major.  Purr Anna took Catalac’s place at the jammer line, and Chicle scored three more points, bringing the final score to Hellcats 27, las Putas del Fuego 15.
This bout was less offensive than defensive as the Hellcat jammers seemed to take their foot off the gas a bit in the second half (Dixie Sanchez and Curly Suicide were both speeding through the pack almost at will early in the bout) and work on blocking instead of scoring.  The always scrappy Putas hung in there and fought (literally) to the finish. Rookies for both teams showed great improvement.  The next bout will be between longtime rivals the Holy Rollers and the Rhinestone Cowgirls on May 3.  See you at the Thunderdome!
Lady A

The TXRD Cherry Bombs and Holy Rollers met Sunday night at the Austin Convention Center in a bout that was full of grudges and history. The Holy Rollers were looking to defend their 2008 Calvello Cup championship, and the Cherry Bombs were looking to defeat the Holy Rollers for the first time in the team’s history. This season’s Holy Rollers have been hard hit by injuries and other woes; fully half of the team’s roster was made up of alternates. Missing players included: Smarty Pants, Karma, Cathy Lixx, and Hades Lady, with Punky Bruiser now acting as manager, which left holes in both offensive and defensive attacks. The Cherry Bombs, for a change, were healthy, organized, and ready to roll.

On the first jam of the bout, Cherry Chainsaw picked up what would be the first of many major penalties for both teams. Rocky Casbah, Lucy Cannon, and Rice Rice Baby then helped the Cherry Bombs jump to a quick lead with back to back to back full jams. Sacralicious responded with a full jam for the Holy Rollers. Kate or Dye added two more points for the Bombs while skating against rookie alternate Lady Libertine, who was railed by Polly Urethane. Two minor penalties resulted in a two lap duel between Lucy Cannon and Moko Loco (tagging in for Mz. Behavin’). Lucy Cannon managed to recover from a vicious takedown and win the two lap duel, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers. Damsel Distresser and Sacralicious put back a few more points for the Holy Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Cherry Bombs 18, Holy Rollers 4.
The second quarter began with a major penalty on Honey Homicide. Sacralicious scored a full jam on the reskate. During some confusion, due to a time clock issue, Lucy Cannon injured her ankle, which took her out of the rest of the bout. After a full jam by Rocky Casbah, there were several scoreless jams in which the jammers called them off in defensive maneuvers. During a jam between Daisy Mae Damage and Sacralicious, Moko Loco committed a major penalty that got her ejected from the bout. On the reskate, both Daisy Mae Damage and Sacralicious scored two points. A grand slam jam by Rocky Casbah at the end of the half brought the score to Cherry Bombs 30, Holy Rollers 11.
The leading scorers in the first half were Rocky Casbah (CB) and Sacralicious (HR). The leading blockers for the half were Polly Urethane (CB) and Anita Confess (HR).
The third quarter had a lot of back and forth point scoring. Sacralicious got a full jam for the Holy Rollers; Daisy Mae Damage got one for the Cherry Bombs, and Horrorshow scored three for the Rollers. Sacralicious won a long jump to save points for the Holy Rollers. Rice Rice Baby and Rocky Casbah picked up back to back grand slams to extend the Cherry Bomb lead to 46 over the Holy Rollers 20 at the end of the third quarter.
The fourth quarter was full of fights, defensive calls, and major penalties. (The Cherry Bombs had clearly called off the dogs a bit at this point. This did not mean the Holy Rollers were going down easily.) Honey Homicide picked up her second major penalty. Daisy Mae Damage and Lady Libertine scored 3 points for their teams. Honey Homicide served up a third major penalty and was accordingly ejected from the bout. Alison Chains won a pillow fight over ReNeePalm. Hispanic Panic scored a full jam for the Holy Rollers in a last effort to contribute. She was then ejected for pushing a referee. The final jam featured a speed race between Rocky Casbah and Sacralicious that was thrilling: the two jammers were skating so fast that they ended up wiping out on a curve. The final score: Cherry Bombs 53, Holy Rollers 29 in this first ever victory for the Cherry Bombs over the Holy Rollers. The Cherry Bombs displayed excellent communication between their blockers while in the pack, and their scoring threat proves to be both highly skilled and deep in numbers. The Holy Rollers, while missing the contributions of their absent players, did pick up some valuable experience for their rookies, especially Damsel Distresser, who saw a lot of action at the jam line.
Next bout: Sunday, April 19, with the Hellcats taking on las Putas del Fuego.
Lady A

On Sunday, March 8th, the Hellcats skated against the Rhinestone Cowgirls in the second bout of the TXRD season.  Both teams came to this bout with desire, drive,and determination.  If this bout is any indication, the 2009 season is going to be a nail biter up until the end.
Kategory 5 started the bout off with a bang for the Rhinestone Cowgirls, scoring a five point grand slam jam.  Dixie Sanchez answered right back with four points of her own.  This pattern would continue all night long.  Both teams played very physical games:  there were a lot of falling skaters, hard hits, and called penalties.  The Hellcats made excellent use of their extremely deep jamming rotation; the Rhinestone Cowgirls focused on defending the pack and opening up a path for their power jammer, Kategory 5.  The Rhinestones also used their penalties to advantage:  Truckstop Trixie scrapped her way to a pillow fight victory, and Miss Canada won a two lap duel on a last moment belly flop over the line.  In the last jam of the quarter, Purr Anna added three points to put the Hellcats ahead 11 to 9.
The second quarter began with some penalty business from the previous jam.  Both Mummy Dearest and Truckstop Trixie had to sit out during a reskate of the jam due to major penalties.  Although Ali Mony and Natorious valiantly tried to block in the pack, Purr Anna scored a five point Grand Slam in a jam that hugely turned the momentum in favor of the Hellcats.  The back and forth scoring continued–Kategory 5 would add one, Dixie Sanchez would score two.  Rollergazm would score one, Kategory 5 would score three, then Dixie Sanchez scored four.  The Rhinestones did an excellent job shutting down Curly Suicide, usually a big scoring threat for the Hellcats.  Dixie Sanchez and Purr Anna really stepped up and took leadership as scorers in her place.  At the end of the first half, the score was Hellcats 22, Rhinestone Cowgirls 16.

1st half–Hellcat Scorers:
Dixie Sanchez-14 points
Purr Anna–8 points
Dirty Blonde–2 points
Miso Vicious–1
Catalac–0 points
Curly Suicide– 0 points

Rhinestone Cowgirls Scorers:
Kategory 5–14 points
Rollergazm–3 points
Miss Canada–0 points
Truckstop Trixie–0 points
Skate Wolf–0 points

The second half began much like the first half:  Kategory 5 scored two points to Curly Suicide’s zero to start the action rolling.  After a scoreless jam, Kategory 5 and Dirty Blonde both incurred minor penalties.  They spun a two lap duel on the penalty wheel.  Each skater tried to pants the other as she made her way around the track.  Kategory 5 at the last moment whipped herself off of Dirty Blonde’s spankies and won the duel.  A particularly nasty tripping call on Rhinestone rookie Al B. Nasty resulted in a major penalty and a reskate.  Purr Anna was once again able to capitalize on a penalty and scored 3 unanswered points for the Hellcats.  A minor penalty on Mummy Dearest spun an arm wrestle penalty.  Rookie Kinky Kowalsky destroyed Mummy Dearest for the Hellcats.  (She was also impressive in an earlier tug of war penalty–this girl is a beast!) For the next jam, Glitterotica refocused all of her blocking efforts on Kategory 5.  She drew a major penalty, and Dixie Sanchez was able to further extend the Hellcat scoring run with two points.  Miss Canada answered back with four points, while Catalac was being blocked out hard by Mummy Dearest.  Mummy Dearest picked up another major penalty, but Miss Canada called off the reskate before any points were scored.  At the end of the third quarter, the score was Hellcats 26, Rhinestone Cowgirls 21.
By the start of the fourth quarter, the Convention Center was humming with the intensity of the crowd.  Neither team showed any signs of quitting or giving up the fight.  Penalties were even more frequent, and the pack action was more intense.  A major on Kategory 5 from the last jam led to yet another reskate.  Moko Loco was able to score four very important points for the Hellcats.  She picked up a major for pushing, but no points were scored in the reskate.  Kategory 5 then had a big jam where she scored four points.  A minor penalty on Mummy Dearest led to an exciting relay race penalty, that the Hellcats won after both teams dropped the baton.  Purr Anna scored a point for the HC, Dixie Sanchez scored three more, then Kategory 5 scored four for the RC.  Dixie Sanchez faced off against Kategory 5 again–Dixie scored one and Kategory scored two.  Major penalties were called on both Dirty Blonde and Diablo; Kategory 5 added two more points in the reskate to bring the score to Hellcats 35, Rhinestone Cowgirls 32 with one jam left to skate.  The crowd was on its feet, screaming for both teams.  Purr Anna faced off against Rollergazm.  Rollergazm was held back in the pack while Purr Ann fought her way to the front and called off the jam to end the bout.  Final score:  Hellcats 35, Rhinestone Cowgirls 32.
This bout was thrilling and intense throughout.  Both teams played with a ton of heart–no one could say that they didn’t leave everything they had out on the track.  Both started their season with big statements:  neither of these teams can be counted out of the Calvello Cup chase by a long shot.  Next bout–Sunday, March 28th–the Cherry Bombs take on the Holy Rollers.  See you at the Thunderdome!!!!

Lady A

–
TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls
Skater owned and operated since 2001
Check out our website at TXRD.com
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On January 4, the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls kicked off their 2009 season. Following tradition, the first bout of the season was an expo bout between the Holy Rollers (2008 Calvello Cup Champions) and The All Scar Army, a team of all star skaters from the other four teams in the league. After intros featuring crashing drums and blessing nuns, the skaters hit the banked track.

The Holy Rollers relied on their strong jammers–Smarty Pants, Sacralicious, Horrorshow, and Hispanic Panic. The All Scar Army frequently sent Rocky Casbah, Kategory 5 (2008 Rookie of the Year), Evil Stellator, and Curly Suicide to the line. Using so many young jammers allowed the All Scar Army to use other skaters who often jam (such as Dirty Blonde, Dixie Sanchez, and Kate or Dye) as a defensive threat. The ASA jumped out to a quick lead on a full jam by Kategory 5. Several scoreless jams follwed as both team’s defenses looked to establish their presenc e. Rocky Casbah put 2 more points on the board for the ASA while jamming against Sacralicious. This set off several jams where the ASA built their lead–3 points from Evil Stellator, then 2 points from Curly Suicide. Damsel Distresser made her rookie debut jamming for the HRs, though she was held scoreless by the ASA defense. A penalty on Holly Peno drew a “Pushcart” penalty on the penalty wheel. Holly Peno and Rocky Casbah faced off against Smarty Pants and Sacralicious. After a tightly fought race, the ASA came out on top, saving their penalty point. (Sacralicious did show off some pretty nifty one legged pushcarting.) Finally, at the end of the 1st quarter, Smarty Pants broke through with a full jam to put 4 points on the board for the Holy Rollers. the score at the end of the 1st quarter–ASA: 15, HR:4.

The second quarter began with Sacralicious jamming once again against Rocky Casbah. Sac picked up 3 points, Rocky picked up 2 in a very hard and fast jam! Evil Stellator scored one point in the next jam, but Hispanic Panic was called for a major penalty. The jam was reskated, and Evil Stellator added 3 more points to her total (Horrorshow answered with 2 points of her own in the reskate.) Kategory 5 added 3 more points to the ASA total, and then Rocky Casbah, after a great whip by Dixie Sanchez, scored 5 in the first ever TXRD Grand Slam! (A rule change has now given=2 0the jammer credit for lapping the other team’s jammer.) A penalty on Polly Urethane got a “2 Lap Duel” penalty from the penalty wheel. The Holy Rollers sent Smarty Pants to be her opponent. Polly and Smarty toyed with each other for a lap and half, then Polly made a quick move and whipped herself off of Smarty’s plaid skirt to take the victory! In a jam between Smarty Pants and Curly Suicide, a fight began when Daisy Mae Damage took Sacralicious down to the track. Both benches joined in the fight (including Miss Conduct, who was helping manage the Holy Rollers). Both jammer kept on skating until the dust cleared. The final jam of the half was Damsel Distresser versus Kategory 5. Kat 5 scored 2 points to bring the score to ASA 35, HR 11.

At halftime, a couple of stats were announced. The leading scorer for the Holy Rollers was Smarty Pants with 6 points; for the All Scar Army, Kategory 5 had 13 points. The leading blocker for the Holy Rollers was Anita Confess; for the ASA, Dirty Blonde and Kate or Dye were tied with the most blocks.

The second half of the bout began with a jam between Smarty Pants and Rocky Casbah. Both were held scoreless as the HR blockers held back Rocky and Dixie Sanchez blocked out Smarty. The next jam between Sacralicious and Kategory 5 was called off when Sacralicious took a ha rd shot to the rail and injured her knee. (She later returned to the bout, so the injury does not seem to have been too severe.)

Curly Suicide scored 3 points in the next jam. A major penalty called on Anita Confess (her fourth minor) led to a reskate of the jam. This time, Horrorshow retaliated with 2 points while Curly went scoreless. After a scoreless jam, 2 points from Smarty/3 points from Rocky, and another scoreless jam, Punky Bruiser (also managing the Holy Rollers) was ejected from the bout for insubordination. (This seemed to have something to do with standing in the wrong place, but was never really explained.) She took a victory lap after her ejection and got a lot of high fives from the crowd. On the next jam, Damsel Distresser scored her first rookie point, shutting out Curly Suicide. The next jam was viciously contested between Smarty Pants and Kategory 5–4 for Smarty, 3 for K5. At the end of the 3rd quarter, the score was ASA 43, HR 20.

Smarty Pants was again the Holy Roller jammer (against Evil Stellator)to begin the 4th quarter. She blew through the pack for a full jam. On the next jam, Holly Peno cleared a beautiful path through the pack for Rocky Casbah, but the jammers ran out of time before getting to scoring position. Two scoreless jams followed. Rocky Casbah and Kategory 5 picked up a double penalty and drew a “Tug of War” on the wheel. With 2 points at stake, Rocky tugged against Smarty Pants. Smarty continued her league domination of this penalty, costing the ASA 2 points. (Seriously, Smarty Pants is rock solid on skates during a tug of war). A major penalty on Sacralicious led to a reskate between Hispanic Panic and Kategory 5. Kat 5 scored a full jam for the ASA. Sacralicious was then ejected from the bout. Another scoreless jam followed, then Evil Stellator scored 3 points over the Holy Rollers. Holly Peno picked up a minor penalty for an illegal block and got an “Arm Wrestle” penalty. She was defeated by Crucial Fix. Smarty Pants scored 3 points to Curly Suicide’s 2 in the next jam. A major penalty on Anita Confess cause the last jam of the bout to be a reskate. Smarty Pants scored 2 more points to bring the final score to ASA 50, HR 29. But don’t let the score fool you–the Holy Rollers looked tough and fast. The All Scars showed that every team is a legitimate contender for the 2009 Calvello Cup. Follow the season from the beginning by watching the first official league bout of the season between the Cherry Bombs and the Putas del Fuego at the Austin Convention Center on February 15th! Lady A

On paper, this bout seemed straightforward: the undefeated Holy Rollers were taking on the winless Putas del Fuego. But the departure of longtime crowd favorite Chola of the PDF made this bout very special. Many people in the crowd sported their own version of Chola’s trademark tear in her honor. The Holy Rollers entered wearing black veils and carrying tombstones with Chola’s face under the letters “RIP”. The Putas entered Harlem-Globetrotters-style, to the tune of “Sweet Georgia Brown.” Before action got underway, La Muerta presented Chola with a PHD (Puta Heart Degree) and an awesome metal trophy to go with it.

Then the skating commenced. The PDF started out hot with a big jam from Evil Stellator, but jams from Hispanic Panic, Sacralicious, and Cathy Lix put the Holy Rollers out front. The Rollers used this bout to gain a lot experience for their rookies–Smarty Pants jammed much less often than usual. The Putas did the same thing, using this bout to further their rebuilding year. Rookies Heine Dancer, Lynnie Bruise, and Evil Stellator all made many trips to the jamming line. At the end of the first quarter, the score was Holy Rollers 20, Putas 7.

The second quarter began with a leftover penalty on Anita Confess (spank alley), then Heine Dancer shot out in front of the pack to score a full jam. Hispanic Panic of the HR rallied back on consecutive jams and threw some more points of her own on the board. There were lots of points scored in this bout, more than has been the norm this season. Death Vallery also jammed for the PDF; Axle Rosie did likewise for the HR. There were several great penalties in the second quarter: Moko Loko and Cathy participated in one of the feistier two-lap-duels we’ve had in a while (Moko won). Titz McGee easily defeated Hispanic Panic in a Tug-o-War, and Punky Bruiser took on Heine Dancer in a pillow fight in which Smarty Pants somehow ended up with the pillow in her hands. (Heine took the crowd vote.) At the end of the half, the score was Holy Rollers 35, PDF 21.

Maya Mayhem was injured in the last jam of the first half (hope the ankle is OK, Maya!). The Putas retaliated with another full jam from Evil Stellator to start the half. Karma of the HR made a rarely-seen trip to the jam line and ended up having to skate 3 jams back-to-back. (One jam was stopped when a hard hit from Holly Peno broke the kick rail. The jam was reskated, and then reskated again after a major penalty on Axle Rosie.) Full jams from Sacralicious and Heine Dancer on the next jam then lead to a major penalty on Death Vallery. Sacralicious then added 2 more points on the re-skate. Crucial Fix performed an amazing takeout on Heine Dancer. After a couple of low-scoring jams, the score at the end of the third quarter was Holy Rollers 45, PDF 33.

The fourth quarter also began with a penalty–this time on CryBaby. In protest (?), Chola had many words for head referee Dee Toxin and ended up throwing her red rubber boots at Dee. Dee was nonplussed and refrained from ejecting Chola. The Holy Rollers continued scoring a few points here, a few points there, just enough to keep slowly growing their lead. There was another pillow fight penalty on Rebelution, who took on Crucial Fix. The crowd thoroughly belonged to the Putas, and they gave Rebelution the victory, despite the fact that she was utterly destroyed by Crucial Fix. The final score of the game was Holy Rollers 55, Putas del Fuego 40.

-Penalty fun–There were many reverse spanks during this bout.  (People sitting in Spank Alley should definitely feel the pain the next day!)  Heine Dancer easily took an arm wrestle over Cathy Lix.  Sacralicious showed us a HUGE long jump as she defeated Lynnie Bruise in Skater Skills.
-Rookie Heine Dancer had a great night for the PDF–she made her way impressively through the pack several times and scored 11 points for her team.  Evil Stellator was the high PDF scorer with 15 points.
-High scorer for the Holy Rollers was Sacralicious with 19 points.  Hispanic Panic scored 14 points and Cathy Lix scored 12.
-There were lots of hard hits in this bout–the crowd flinched A LOT while watching several of the skaters hit the track–hats off to the hard-hitting blockers from both teams!
All in all, it was a very entertaining bout showcasing some very talented rookies.  Chola will be deeply missed by all–best of luck to her!
Next bout is July 27th–Cherry Bombs vs Hellcat!  Come see which team will get the edge in their quest for the Calvello Cup!
Lady A

The Cherry Bombs and the Rhinestone Cowgirls both entered this bout with something on the line–a loss for either team would send them to the lower part of the league standings and give them an undesirable playoff spot. For their intros, the Rhinestone Cowgirls came out of the stands, “Price is Right” style, and the Bombs came in as mustached, poncho wearing banditas. The bout began, and soon one thing became very clear: this was going to be the Rocky Casbah Show.

From the first jam, where Rocky scored a full jam for the Cherry Bombs, she pulled out every trick in the book. She used speed, athleticism, and trick skating to rack up points for her squad. Other jammers for the Cherry Bombs included Evilynn Carnit, Daisy Mae Damage, and Ginjure Scraps. The Cowgirls sent a mix of experience and new meat to the line: Kategory 5, Mummy Dearest, Rollergazm, Miss Canada, and Truckstop Trixie all had their turn. At the end of the first quarter, the score was Cherry Bombs 17, Rhinestone Cowgirls 5.

The second quarter began with a leftover penalty against Mummy Dearest. She took on Honey Homicide in a pillow fight. Honey tossed the pillow aside and went directly for the fight, and won the crowd and the penalty. Kategory 5, getting stronger and faster every bout she skates, turned out some fierce jams, but the Cherry Bomb defense really held the Cowgirls back. Rocky Casbah continued to slice, dice, and julienne her way around the track, and by halftime, the score was Rhinestone Cowgirls 16, Cherry Bombs 39.

After some great halftme entertainment by Reid Wilson and His So-Called Friends (major kudos for the quality of the bands this year), the third quarter began as the second quarter did, with a leftover penalty against Mummy Dearest. She drew a reverse spank, and then the bout was off and rolling again. The Rhinestone Cowgirls dug in their heels to try to hang on, resulting in several major penalties, including a couple on Peachy Mean. There were big hits from Diablo of the RC and Varuca Assault and Ginjure Scraps for the CBs. Third quarter score: Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Cherry Bombs 50.

For the last quarter, the Cherry Bombs decided to have a little fun. Rocky started a jam skating backwards, there were several fights, and Rocky and Ginjure Scraps performed a reverse whip. Awesome! Still, the Cowgirls were fighting; more penalties, more fights, and more fun ensued. The final score: Rhinestone Cowgirls 47, Cherry Bombs 60.

Which of these teams would take home the victory? Both teams were seeking vengeance. The Putas were looking for their first win of the season, and the Hellcats were looking to bounce back after their defeat at the hands of the Holy Rollers. For the introductions, the Putas entered first to the tune of “Smooth Criminal” carrying guns and shooting at Flamers dressed as cats. The Hellcats entered with firefighters and sign that said “Fuego Squad”.

The bout got under way. Both teams jammed a small army of skaters. The Putas featured a regular rotation of Chola, Evil Stellator, Death Vallery, Heine Daner, Lynnie Bruise, and Cocochina; the Hellcats sent Dixie Sanchez, Knottie Knoxville, Purr Anna, Dirty Blonde (first bout back after an injury!), and Curly Suicide to the jammer line. The bout was very physical–lots of pushing, shoving, falling, and railing was going on in the pack. Both teams brought a lot of intensity and fought hard for every point. At the end of the first quarter, the score was Hellcats 15, Putas 6.

The second quarter lead off with an arm wrestle between Knottie Knoxville and Moko Loco–Knottie won easily, returning to her dominance of this penalty. A series of low-scoring jams followed with many skaters getting caught in the pack behind a wall of blockers. Full jams by Curly Suicide, Heine Dancer, and Dixie Sanchez got the points flying again. In the last jam before halftime, Dixie Sanchez was leading the pack when a fight broke out by the Putas bench. Chaos ensued. Dixie was given no points for the jam, even though she passed the pack while they were busy fighting (at least I think that was what happened). Team captain Dirty Blonde went to contest this with the referees and a fight between Dirty and Chola (and then everyone else) follwed. Chola was ejected from the bout and she threw her helmet into the crowd. The Putas got together in a circle and spiked their helmets in protest. The crowd went to halftime full of speculation and confusion. The score was Hellcats 25, Putas 13.

After halftime, the refs announced that Chola was back in the game but penalized with two majors; Dirty Blonde took one major for the Hellcats. Chola was bitten by someone in the fight before halftime, but the referees had no way of telling who it was. The bout resumed with both skaters in the penalty box. Dirty Blonde, Knottie Knoxville, and Curly Suicide put a series of full jams to push the Hellcats further into the lead. The Putas continued their defensive work to make earning the points as hard (and painful) as possible. At the end of the third quarter, the score was Hellcats 43, Putas 24.

The fourth quarter continued in the same vein. During a jam between Chola and Curly Suicide, Chola took Curly down in a headlock and ended up at the bottom of a pile of skaters, which injured her knee. She was later ejected from the game again after spitting on Dixie Sanchez and swearing at the referees. Near the end of the game, the Putas contested every jam with a fight, which resulted in major penalties for Maya Mayhem and Heine Dancer. Final score was Hellcats 55, Putas 29

Other Highlights:
-Apeschit made her debut as a Hellcat, jamming one time and long jumping in a penalty face-off.
-Lucky Harm, Lux, General Lee Feisty, and Betty TaRoll were all spotted in the house.
-Lots of jammers were stepping off the inside of the track.
-The Putas used the strategy of having the jammer drop back and act as a blocker to stop the other team’s jammer.
-Penalty highlights:
-The Putas won several pillow fights:  Cocochina vs Purr Anna, Hell’s Belle over Miso Vicious, and Maya Mayhem over Purr Anna.
-Chola took an easy tug of war over Ruby Sioux. 
-Maya Mayhem took a two-lap duel over Sindra Dee.
-Chola won a long jump over Curly Suicide. Apeschit defeated Cochina in the long jump when Cocochina scratched at the line.
-Chola may be the first skater ever to be ejected twice in the same bout.

All in all, this was a very entertaining, physical bout, and I’m sure there will be a lot of follow up bruises. See you all at the next bout on June 22 when the Cherry Bombs take on the Rhinestone Cowgirls. Be there or be square!