Join The TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls for an event so fun, its illegal.

Toughest Show on Quads: Two days loaded with ten hard hitting banked track roller derby bouts featuring eight teams of fiesty ladies from all over the country.

Who’s Got Spirit?: When the hits stop the show rolls on with Jeerleaders from several different leagues competing to see who can bring it.

Rocking Rollers: Halftime will also feature some of Austin’s finest local musicians, including TXRD’s very own Chicle’s band Cruiserweight, tuning up and rocking out all weekend long.

Not skating? No problem. TXRD is planning a variety of activies to make your weekend full of action:

Time in the Yard: Want to beat the heat? Spend Friday morning or afternoon in the cool waters of Deep Eddy Pool, or join Smarty Pants for a day of kayaking.

No Rest for the Wicked: Pregame fire-ups everyday before the bout at local resturants. Meet derby girls and fans and talk trash for your team before the action starts.

Run for the Boarder:  Sign up early to get your wristband. Then join a team of TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls on a “Prison Break” bar scavenger hunt through downtown Austin. Drinks specials and contests will help you find your way. Can you be the first to the finish?

Early Parole: Just because you didn’t win on the track doesn’t mean you can’t win the afterparty. Saturday will see those teams already eliminated enjoying “time off for good behavior”.

“The Governer Called…”: After the final jam is skated, it’s time to after party Texas style. Meet up with everyone for one last cold one and celebrate time well served. Enjoy the Full Pardon with live band karaoke!

Make the time fit the crime: We’re offering multiple ticket packages for the weekend.  Misdemeanor : 1 or 2 days General Admission: $25/$40. Felony: 1 or 2 days VIP seating $35/$60.

All this and more: We are still thinking up more activites and events to make your trip to Austin memorable. Keep checking back to txrd.com/tourney for the latest updates.

What are you waiting for?: Buy tickets today at Frontgate tickets. We look forward to seeing all of you in June.

Two undefeated teams, the Cherry Bombs and the Hellcats, entered the Thunderdome for this Sunday’s TXRD roller derby bout. Only one team would remain so at the end of the evening. Would it be last year’s Calvello Cup runner-up, the Hellcats? Or would it be the hungry, finally healthy Cherry Bombs? The Convention Center was filled with intensity and dedicated fans for both teams.

The Cherry Bombs jumped out to an early lead with three points from Rocky Casbah. Lucy Cannon added three more (with Purr Anna hot on her tail scoring one for the Hellcats). A full jam by Daisy Mae Damage brought the score to Cherry Bombs 10, Hellcats 1. A minor penalty on Dixie Sanchez resulted in a pillow fight penalty. Kinky Kowalsky tagged in to fight Alison Chains, but lost in a very close fight. The two point deduction sent the Hellcats back into a negative score. The next jam between Rocky Casbah and Curly Suicide was called off in a defensive move by the Cherry Bombs (this would be repeated multiple times throughout the bout). A tug of war penalty on Honey Homicide was won by Kinky Kowalsky of the Hellcats. Miso Vicious contributed three points to the Hellcats total and Catalac added two. Rookie Rice Rice Baby scored three points, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Cherry Bombs 12, Hellcats 4.

The second quarter began with a penalty on Dixie Sanchez. The Cherry Bombs won the relay race penalty to cost the Hellcats another point. A messy jam between Rice Rice Baby and Curly Suicide ended with a major on Cherry Chainsaw. On the reskate, Curly Suicide scored a full jam to help jump start the Hellcat offense. Rocky Casbah answered with one point, and Lucy Cannon scored three points two jams later. Miso Vicious answered with a full jam. A minor penalty on Hellcat Moxie Rotten spun another relay race penalty on the wheel, which the Cherry Bombs again won. During the next jam between Rocky Casbah and Purr Anna, a major penalty was called on Catalac. During the reskate, Lucy Cannon at pivot cleared the Hellcat pack for Rocky, who was able to score a five point grand slam jam. Kate or Dye scored three points in the next jam to end the first half. At halftime, the score was Cherry Bombs 24, Hellcats 10.

Both teams adjusted their strategy at halftime. The Cherry Bombs switched over to a more defensive mode of play, while the Hellcats adjusted their pack play to better assist their jammers. The first jam was very tight between Rocky Casbah and Curly Suicide. Curly was ahead of the pack, but Rocky was able to call the jam off in a defensive maneuver because Curly had stepped off the inside of the track. Miso Vicious scored a full jam the next time out for the Hellcats. A jam between Lucy Cannon and Curly Suicide ended with a major on Dixie Sanchez (who did some extensive blocking and pivot work in this bout). On the reskate, Lucy Cannon scored a grand slam five points. Several scoreless jams followed, showcasing some top notch blocking from Knottie Knoxville (in her first bout back from retirement) and Cherry Chainsaw. Dixie Sanchez broke through the pack and scored five points for the Hellcats to rev up their scoring momentum. Curly Suicide scored another four points and it seemed that the tide had really begun to turn towards the Hellcats. Rocky Casbah scored three points to grab some momentum back for the Cherry Bombs. At the end of the third quarter, the score was Cherry Bombs 32, Hellcats 23.

The fourth quarter started with a penalty on Polly Urethane. In her two lap duel against TiNutz, Polly used a last second whip/tackle/block to propel herself across the finish line and save the point. In the next jam between Lucy Cannon and Curly Suicide, a fight erupted and the jam was called off. Hellcat manager Johnny Stranger was then ejected from the bout, and clipboards were thrown. Miso Vicious scored another full jam. A minor penalty on Knottie Knoxville went to the arm wrestling table, where Knox defeated Polly Urethane. The next jam went scoreless, as neither Lucy Cannon nor Curly Suicide were able to get through a very tough pack. Knottie Knoxville won another arm wrestling penalty, this one against Cherry Chainsaw (both arm wrestling legends). Later in the quarter, Catalac scored two points to bring the Hellcats ever closer to the Cherry Bombs. Another jam between Rocky Casbah and Catalac saw Rocky score three points and Catalac score two. This brought the score to Cherry Bombs 34, Hellcats 33. The last jam of the bout was between Lucy Cannon and Miso Vicious. The Cherry Bomb blockers were able to hold Miso back in the pack, and the final score would remain Cherry Bombs 34, Hellcats 33. The finish was huge! The crowd was screaming and totally involved in the action on the track.

This bout was interesting and used some unexpected strategy. The Cherry Bombs capitalized on a surprising early lead to put themselves in control of a lot of the bout. The Hellcats made the decision to primarily use Curly Suicide, Miso Vicious, and Catalac as their main jammers while keeping Dixie Sanchez, Purr Anna, and Knottie Knoxville doing a lot of defensive work (all three of whom have the potential to be offensive threats as well). When these two teams meet again, look out: all bets are off! Both teams showed terrific athleticism, heart, and careful use of strategy.

Next bout–the Rhinestone Cowgirls versus las Putas del Fuego on May 31 at the Austin Convention Center. See you at the Thunderdome!

Lady A

–

Ali Mony

$10,000/month

Check it out…

http://www.jackassworld.com/blog/2009/05/18/the-txrd-lonestar-roller-derby-girls-vs-mark-zupan/

On Sunday night, the TXRD Rhinestone Cowgirls skated against the Holy Rollers.  Would last year’s victory by the Rhinestone Cowgirls that marred the otherwise perfect season for the Holy Rollers prove to be a fluke?  Or would the Holy Rollers revenge themselves?

The bout began slowly.  Kategory 5 scored one point for the Rhinestone in the first jam.  A scorelss jam followed, and then Truckstop Trixie added another point for the Rhinestones. Smarty Pants took away a Rhinestone point by standing her ground during a tug of war penalty.  Several times in this quarter, the Holy Rollers used the strategy of gaining lead jammer status and then calling off the jam before either team could score points.  Kategory 5, showing why she was last season’s rookie of the year, finally shot through the pack to give three more points to her team.  A penalty on Ms. Behavin’ drew a Two Lap Duel on the penalty wheel; she tagged out and Sacralicious took her place against Truckstop Trixie.  Trixie won, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers, which put them into negative point totals.  Smarty Pants got one point back for the Holy Rollers, but it was just as quickly taken away by a pillow fight victory for Kategory 5.  On the next jam, Smarty Pants snuck through the pack and scored three points, finally putting the Rollers into the positive score totals.  (She was helped through the pack with nice blocks by Anita Confess and Sacralicious)  Kategory 5 scored a full jam for the Rhinestones, and then Sacralicious did the same for the Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Rhinestone Cowgirls 8, Holy Rollers 5.
The second quarter began with Miss Canada scoring two points for the Rhinestones while several hard blocks from Ali Mony held back HR jammer Damsel Distresser.  A duo of close jams followed: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5 sped through their pack to score two and four points; Truckstop Trixie and Horrorshow each picked up a single point on the next jam.  The Holy Rollers then began to cut away at the Rhinestone Cowgirl lead: Sacralicious scored 3 points after winning an arm wrestling penalty, Hispanic Panic added one point, and Smarty Pants jammed for two more.  This tied the score at 14.  A tight jam between Damsel Disresser (two points) and Rollergasm (three points) was followed by a jam where a major penalty was called on Smarty Pants.  On the reskate, Truckstop Trixie subbed in for an injured Rollergasm, got into a fight with Sacralicious, and ended the half without either team scoring in the jam.  The score at the half was Rhinestone Cowgirls 17, Holy Rollers 15.

The top point scorers for the first half were Kategory 5 for the Rhinestones and Smarty Pants and Sacralicious for the Holy Rollers. The top blocker for the Rhinestones was Mummy Dearest and Anita Confess for the Holy Rollers.

After half time, it seemed like the Rhinestone Cowgirls adjusted their strategy.  They began to control the pack speed and better use that speed to their advantage.  Sacralicious and Kategory 5 opened the second half with a very fast jam where they each picked up two points.  Both jammers in the next jam set were thwarted by big blocks: Damsel Distresser was hit by Miss Canada, and Rollergasm was railed by Mz. Behavin’.  Miss Canada was called for a major and Damsel Distresser scored a full jam on the reskate.  In addition to adjusting their pack speed, the Rhinestones really began to give some hard hits.  After a scoreless jam where Smarty Pants was held back by Mummy Dearest, Truckstop Trixie won a pillow fight penalty against Smarty Pants.  The next jam was huge for the Rhinestones: Kategory 5 scored SIX POINTS in a “grand slam plus one” jam.  This charged up the momentum towards the Rhinestones.  Rollergasm added another point for the Rhinestones; Smarty scored one for the Rollers.  The Rhinestones were doing a great job of getting to the front of the pack so they could control the speed and hold back the Holy Roller jammers.  The score at the end of the third quarter was Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 22.

Sacralicious broke out of the first jam set and got way out in front, but then tripped over her own team member and injured her shoulder.  Rollergasm scored another Rhinestone point, but Motley Sue picked up a minor.  Sacralicious, using her good arm, defeated her in an arm wrestling penalty.  Smarty Pants scored a point to continue to chip away at the Rhinestone lead.  A major penalty on Mummy Dearest resulted in a reskate, but both jammers were held scoreless. The Rhinestone Cowgirl skaters were simply speeding away, making it very difficult for the Holy Rollers to catch them and score.  Sacralicious, as lead jammer over Kategory 5, called off her jam in a defensive maneuver.  Damsel Distresser made use of a good whip by Sacralicious to score two points for the Rollers.  A penalty called on Cathy Lix spun a two-lap duel on the penalty wheel.  With the score so close, this penalty really mattered.  Truckstop Trixie eked out a victory over Cathy Lix, who fought her every step of the way, to take away a crucial Holy Roller point.  In the next jam, neither jammer (Sacralicious and Rollergasm) could make it into scoring position due to the speed of the pack.  Sacralicious attempted to whip herself past Rollergasm to score a last second point.  Rollergasm went down with an injury.  For the final jam, the Rhinestone Cowgirls were ahead by two points.  Each team sent their most reliable jammer to the line: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5.  The pack speed kept either jammer from scoring and gave the Rhinestones the victory.  Final score: Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 24.  This bout was very close and intense.  There was a lot of exciting skating, with some of the fastest jammers and hardest hitting blockers in the league squaring off against each other.

See you all at the next bout–the undefeated Hellcats skate against the undefeated Cherry Bombs to determine who will have the advantage going into the playoffs.  See you at the Thunderdome!

Hellcats vs. Cherry Bombs
Ladies and Gentleman, please direct your attention to the center ring! We bring you the Hellcats and the Cherry Bombs both undefeated with a 2-0 record. The winner of this bout determines who will be under the big top at the Calvello Cup and who will return to the ring with the Rhinestone Cowgirls for one more show.  Will the jamming strength of the Hellcats make the Bombs look like clowns? Or will the Bombs prove to be Hellcat tamers and crack the whip? There will be thrills and spills with feats of strength and acrobatics both human and animal. If you thought the last bout was fierce and close, you are in for a treat. Forget Ringling Brothers, this is sure to be the greatest show on earth! Sideshow entertainment provided by The Skeletons and the Pickled Punks.

On Sunday night, the TXRD Rhinestone Cowgirls skated against the Holy Rollers.  Would last year’s victory by the Rhinestone Cowgirls that marred the otherwise perfect season for the Holy Rollers prove to be a fluke?  Or would the Holy Rollers revenge themselves?

The bout began slowly.  Kategory 5 scored one point for the Rhinestone in the first jam.  A scorelss jam followed, and then Truckstop Trixie added another point for the Rhinestones. Smarty Pants took away a Rhinestone point by standing her ground during a tug of war penalty.  Several times in this quarter, the Holy Rollers used the strategy of gaining lead jammer status and then calling off the jam before either team could score points.  Kategory 5, showing why she was last season’s rookie of the year, finally shot through the pack to give three more points to her team.  A penalty on Ms. Behavin’ drew a Two Lap Duel on the penalty wheel; she tagged out and Sacralicious took her place against Truckstop Trixie.  Trixie won, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers, which put them into negative point totals.  Smarty Pants got one point back for the Holy Rollers, but it was just as quickly taken away by a pillow fight victory for Kategory 5.  On the next jam, Smarty Pants snuck through the pack and scored three points, finally putting the Rollers into the positive score totals.  (She was helped through the pack with nice blocks by Anita Confess and Sacralicious)  Kategory 5 scored a full jam for the Rhinestones, and then Sacralicious did the same for the Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Rhinestone Cowgirls 8, Holy Rollers 5.

The second quarter began with Miss Canada scoring two points for the Rhinestones while several hard blocks from Ali Mony held back HR jammer Damsel Distresser.  A duo of close jams followed: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5 sped through their pack to score two and four points; Truckstop Trixie and Horrorshow each picked up a single point on the next jam.  The Holy Rollers then began to cut away at the Rhinestone Cowgirl lead: Sacralicious scored 3 points after winning an arm wrestling penalty, Hispanic Panic added one point, and Smarty Pants jammed for two more.  This tied the score at 14.  A tight jam between Damsel Disresser (two points) and Rollergasm (three points) was followed by a jam where a major penalty was called on Smarty Pants.  On the reskate, Truckstop Trixie subbed in for an injured Rollergasm, got into a fight with Sacralicious, and ended the half without either team scoring in the jam.  The score at the half was Rhinestone Cowgirls 17, Holy Rollers 15.

The top point scorers for the first half were Kategory 5 for the Rhinestones and Smarty Pants and Sacralicious for the Holy Rollers. The top blocker for the Rhinestones was Mummy Dearest and Anita Confess for the Holy Rollers.

After half time, it seemed like the Rhinestone Cowgirls adjusted their strategy.  They began to control the pack speed and better use that speed to their advantage.  Sacralicious and Kategory 5 opened the second half with a very fast jam where they each picked up two points.  Both jammers in the next jam set were thwarted by big blocks: Damsel Distresser was hit by Miss Canada, and Rollergasm was railed by Mz. Behavin’.  Miss Canada was called for a major and Damsel Distresser scored a full jam on the reskate.  In addition to adjusting their pack speed, the Rhinestones really began to give some hard hits.  After a scoreless jam where Smarty Pants was held back by Mummy Dearest, Truckstop Trixie won a pillow fight penalty against Smarty Pants.  The next jam was huge for the Rhinestones: Kategory 5 scored SIX POINTS in a “grand slam plus one” jam.  This charged up the momentum towards the Rhinestones.  Rollergasm added another point for the Rhinestones; Smarty scored one for the Rollers.  The Rhinestones were doing a great job of getting to the front of the pack so they could control the speed and hold back the Holy Roller jammers.  The score at the end of the third quarter was Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 22.

Sacralicious broke out of the first jam set and got way out in front, but then tripped over her own team member and injured her shoulder.  Rollergasm scored another Rhinestone point, but Motley Sue picked up a minor.  Sacralicious, using her good arm, defeated her in an arm wrestling penalty.  Smarty Pants scored a point to continue to chip away at the Rhinestone lead.  A major penalty on Mummy Dearest resulted in a reskate, but both jammers were held scoreless. The Rhinestone Cowgirl skaters were simply speeding away, making it very difficult for the Holy Rollers to catch them and score.  Sacralicious, as lead jammer over Kategory 5, called off her jam in a defensive maneuver.  Damsel Distresser made use of a good whip by Sacralicious to score two points for the Rollers.  A penalty called on Cathy Lix spun a two-lap duel on the penalty wheel.  With the score so close, this penalty really mattered.  Truckstop Trixie eked out a victory over Cathy Lix, who fought her every step of the way, to take away a crucial Holy Roller point.  In the next jam, neither jammer (Sacralicious and Rollergasm) could make it into scoring position due to the speed of the pack.  Sacralicious attempted to whip herself past Rollergasm to score a last second point.  Rollergasm went down with an injury.  For the final jam, the Rhinestone Cowgirls were ahead by two points.  Each team sent their most reliable jammer to the line: Smarty Pants and Kategory 5.  The pack speed kept either jammer from scoring and gave the Rhinestones the victory.  Final score: Rhinestone Cowgirls 26, Holy Rollers 24.  This bout was very close and intense.  There was a lot of exciting skating, with some of the fastest jammers and hardest hitting blockers in the league squaring off against each other.

See you all at the next bout–the undefeated Hellcats skate against the undefeated Cherry Bombs to determine who will have the advantage going into the playoffs.  See you at the Thunderdome!

Lady A