The TXRD Hellcats and las Putas del Fuego slugged it out old school in Sunday night’s roller derby bout.  The Putas were looking for their first victory of the season, and the Hellcats were looking to continue their march to the Calvello Cup.  Curly Suicide and Lynnie Bruise began the first jam of the night, with Curly scoring one point for the Hellcats.  This jam quickly established a couple of patterns that would recur throughout the night: fast pack speed, low scores, and brutally tough blocking.  Miso Vicious and Curly Suicide defeated Titz McGee and Lynnie Bruise in a pushcart penalty that actually set the Putas back into a negative score.  Purr Anna broke through with a 3 point jam that began the scoring momentum for the Hellcats.  Curly Suicide added another two points, aided by a massive hit on Lynnie Bruise from Glitterotica.  Several scoreless jams followed as the fast pack speed continued.  At many times, the bout almost looked like a foot race.  Dixie Sanchez broke the scoring drought with a full jam, and Curly Suicide added three more points to the board.  At the end of the first quarter, the score was Hellcats 12, Putas 0.
The second quarter began with two major penalties: one on Holly Peno from the end of the first quarter and one on Chicle during the reskate.  Dixie Sanchez made the most of the Putas losing one blocker and skated a full jam.  La Princesa made her first score of the night (two points) to Miso Vicious’s four points.  La Princesa was also a major blocking factor in this bout.  She skated down several Hellcat jammers, keeping them from gaining lead jammer status with some impressive displays of athleticism. In the following jam, Purr Anna threw a strong block on Chicle to get Curly Suicide through the pack, but to no avail.  A strong hit from Crybaby caused Purr Anna to get behind the pack in the next jam and allowed Heine Dancer to put up two more points for the Putas.  Crybaby was then called for a penalty and had to face Kinky Kowalsky in an arm wrestle.  Kinky won without even breaking a sweat.  Maya Mayhem next scored three points after Curly Suicide was sent flying over the rail with a ferocious block by La Princesa.  Catalac kicked into high gear for the Hellcats and scored her first point of the evening.  The first half ended with a fight between Curly Suicide and Maya Mayhem.  The score at the half:  Hellcats 22, Putas del Fuego 6.
Fights and hard hits would turn out to be what defined the second half of this bout.  The half began with three scoreless jams.  A hard fought, fast jam between Purr Anna and Chicle ended with three Hellcat points and two Puta points.  Curly Suicide overcame some more tough blocks by La Princesa to add two more to the Hellcats total.  Heine Dancer (tagged in for Joann Thrax) took away a Hellcat point after winning a long jump penalty over Moko Loco.  In the following jam, Purr Anna had a huge takedown of Heine Dancer, which resulted in Purr Anna’s first ever major penalty.  Chicle illegally took out Catalac in the next jam (Catalac was injured) and earned a major penalty.  A fight broke out between some of the Hellcats and the Flamers (the Putas Jeerleaders) over an ill-timed attempt to rile up the crowd for the Putas while an injured Catalac was still being examined on the track.  After that dust cleared, the third period ended with two scoreless jams.  The score at the end of the third quarter:  Hellcats 26, Putas del Fuego 8.
The scoring drought continued into the fourth quarter until La Princesa broke through with a full jam to add five points to the Putas.  Curly Suicide tried to answer back with a point of her own.  During the next jam, a fight broke out between Moko Loco and La Princesa.  Joann Thrax got the penalty and defeated Lacy Bones in a pillow fight.  The next jam got very messy; another fight broke out, this one between Heine Dancer and Miss Amerikill.  Dirty Blonde (managing the team instead of skating because of an injured knee) also got involved, and both Heine Dancer and Dirty Blonde were ejected from the bout.  Subsequently, during the next jam between Curly Suicide and La Princesa, Heine Dancer threw a stuffed unicorn (a Putacorn, officially) onto the track from the sidelines, interrupting the jam.  Catalac then jammed against Chicle, who scored a point.  Catalac picked up a major.  Purr Anna took Catalac’s place at the jammer line, and Chicle scored three more points, bringing the final score to Hellcats 27, las Putas del Fuego 15.
This bout was less offensive than defensive as the Hellcat jammers seemed to take their foot off the gas a bit in the second half (Dixie Sanchez and Curly Suicide were both speeding through the pack almost at will early in the bout) and work on blocking instead of scoring.  The always scrappy Putas hung in there and fought (literally) to the finish. Rookies for both teams showed great improvement.  The next bout will be between longtime rivals the Holy Rollers and the Rhinestone Cowgirls on May 3.  See you at the Thunderdome!
Lady A

Hankerin’ fer a good ol’ fashioned execution?  See you in Texas…

“CAPITAL PUNISHMENT: BATTLE ON THE BANK II”
SECOND ANNUAL INVITATIONAL BANKED-TRACK ROLLER DERBY TOURNAMENT ROLLS INTO AUSTIN, TX JUNE 20-21, 2009

Save the date, roller derby fanatics! At the Austin Convention Center this coming summer, the TXRD–Lonestar Rollergirls will host “Capital Punishment: Battle on the Bank II,” a two-day banked-track rollerderby tournament where the fiercest roller derby leagues from across the nation will duke it out mano a mano in the sweltering Texas heat. This all-out interleague brawl will showcase some of the top roller derby stars in the U.S., attracting both ferocious banked-track leagues and merciless flat-track leagues who are itchin’ to make their presence known on the bank.

If you thought the historic, first ever banked-track tournament, “Battle on the Bank” in Los Angeles last year was a good time, wait ’til you see it done Texas-style. This time around, many of the same leagues will be anxious to hit the track, ready to draw new blood and reclaim glory. Featured leagues include TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls, LA Derby Dolls, San Diego Derby Dolls, Arizona Derby Dames, Red Dirt Rebellion Rollergirls, Team Legit, Vegas Renegades, and Hurricane Alley Roller Derby. Saturday will see the initial throw-downs, and the victors will move on to Sunday, when just one champion will receive the title.

This rip-roaring event is for folks of all ages, and it ain’t just a fast-paced skater smackdown. “Battle on the Bank II” will also feature a Vendor Village, where fans and skaters alike can pick up one-of-a-kind gifts and skate gear between the bouts, as well as a Jeerleader Competition. Several local bands, including TXRD skater Chicle’s own Cruiserweight, will keep you soakin’ in sweat if the Texas heat don’t get ya first!

We are still seeking sponsors and vendors! For more information, please visit the tournament’s website at www.txrd.com/tourney or www.TXRD.com. See you on the track!

The TXRD Cherry Bombs and Holy Rollers met Sunday night at the Austin Convention Center in a bout that was full of grudges and history. The Holy Rollers were looking to defend their 2008 Calvello Cup championship, and the Cherry Bombs were looking to defeat the Holy Rollers for the first time in the team’s history. This season’s Holy Rollers have been hard hit by injuries and other woes; fully half of the team’s roster was made up of alternates. Missing players included: Smarty Pants, Karma, Cathy Lixx, and Hades Lady, with Punky Bruiser now acting as manager, which left holes in both offensive and defensive attacks. The Cherry Bombs, for a change, were healthy, organized, and ready to roll.

On the first jam of the bout, Cherry Chainsaw picked up what would be the first of many major penalties for both teams. Rocky Casbah, Lucy Cannon, and Rice Rice Baby then helped the Cherry Bombs jump to a quick lead with back to back to back full jams. Sacralicious responded with a full jam for the Holy Rollers. Kate or Dye added two more points for the Bombs while skating against rookie alternate Lady Libertine, who was railed by Polly Urethane. Two minor penalties resulted in a two lap duel between Lucy Cannon and Moko Loco (tagging in for Mz. Behavin’). Lucy Cannon managed to recover from a vicious takedown and win the two lap duel, taking two points away from the Holy Rollers. Damsel Distresser and Sacralicious put back a few more points for the Holy Rollers, bringing the score at the end of the first quarter to Cherry Bombs 18, Holy Rollers 4.
The second quarter began with a major penalty on Honey Homicide. Sacralicious scored a full jam on the reskate. During some confusion, due to a time clock issue, Lucy Cannon injured her ankle, which took her out of the rest of the bout. After a full jam by Rocky Casbah, there were several scoreless jams in which the jammers called them off in defensive maneuvers. During a jam between Daisy Mae Damage and Sacralicious, Moko Loco committed a major penalty that got her ejected from the bout. On the reskate, both Daisy Mae Damage and Sacralicious scored two points. A grand slam jam by Rocky Casbah at the end of the half brought the score to Cherry Bombs 30, Holy Rollers 11.
The leading scorers in the first half were Rocky Casbah (CB) and Sacralicious (HR). The leading blockers for the half were Polly Urethane (CB) and Anita Confess (HR).
The third quarter had a lot of back and forth point scoring. Sacralicious got a full jam for the Holy Rollers; Daisy Mae Damage got one for the Cherry Bombs, and Horrorshow scored three for the Rollers. Sacralicious won a long jump to save points for the Holy Rollers. Rice Rice Baby and Rocky Casbah picked up back to back grand slams to extend the Cherry Bomb lead to 46 over the Holy Rollers 20 at the end of the third quarter.
The fourth quarter was full of fights, defensive calls, and major penalties. (The Cherry Bombs had clearly called off the dogs a bit at this point. This did not mean the Holy Rollers were going down easily.) Honey Homicide picked up her second major penalty. Daisy Mae Damage and Lady Libertine scored 3 points for their teams. Honey Homicide served up a third major penalty and was accordingly ejected from the bout. Alison Chains won a pillow fight over ReNeePalm. Hispanic Panic scored a full jam for the Holy Rollers in a last effort to contribute. She was then ejected for pushing a referee. The final jam featured a speed race between Rocky Casbah and Sacralicious that was thrilling: the two jammers were skating so fast that they ended up wiping out on a curve. The final score: Cherry Bombs 53, Holy Rollers 29 in this first ever victory for the Cherry Bombs over the Holy Rollers. The Cherry Bombs displayed excellent communication between their blockers while in the pack, and their scoring threat proves to be both highly skilled and deep in numbers. The Holy Rollers, while missing the contributions of their absent players, did pick up some valuable experience for their rookies, especially Damsel Distresser, who saw a lot of action at the jam line.
Next bout: Sunday, April 19, with the Hellcats taking on las Putas del Fuego.
Lady A