Cherry Bombs vs. Holy Rollers - Bout Recap
On Sunday, May 4, the two undefeated teams in the league met at the Austin Convention Center to see who would retain that precious undefeated title. This was anticipated as the “game of the year” and proved to be just that. The tension couldn have been cut with a knife it was so thick. The Holy Rollers came out looking slow and out of practice, then suddenly they stripped out of their uniforms and low and behold it was the Cherry Bombs!! Not to be outdone, the real Holy Rollers did their intro laps while wiping select anatomy with the faux Holy Roller jerseys.
First jam out we’ve got Rocky Casbah taking on Smarty Pants. Rocky gets a wicked whip off of Ginjure Scraps, but it’s not enough. Smarty makes a full jam and calls it off. Evilynn Carnit and Sacralicious go after it next, Sac leads the pack but an awesome block by Varuca Assault leaves her with only half a jam. 2 for the Rollers, still 0 for the Bombs. Varuca has a minor called for advancement. It’s a pillow fight between her and Helena Handbasket. Varuca takes it and retains her point.
Sacralicious and Kate or Dye jam. Honey Homicide took Axle Rosie to the rail (then Sac, and then Axle again!) – minor on Homicide for elbowing/high block, penalty is reverse spank alley. Helena and Evilynn battle it out in the next jam, and Evilynn takes the lead jammer position, but is unable to catch a run-away pack to score any points. No points for either team. Hispanic Panic and Kate or Dye, Kate takes the lead and calls it off after getting 3 points while Hispanic Panic pulled in 2 points for the Rollers. Sacralicious and Rocky are neck and neck in the next jam, Rocky calls it off, with no points scored for either team. Smarty and Evilyn take off, Evilyn takes the lead and gets 2 points for the Bombs! Penalty called on Smarty for obstruction. Ginjure is down with an injured knee. Pillow fight between Smarty and Daisy Mae Damage. Mighty Aphrodite smacks them both with pillows for a “lame” fight! The crowd votes for Smarty!
Hispanic Panic and Rocky, Rocky takes the lead jammer position and gets in a full jam! Smarty and Kate, Smarty out front and gets 2 points for the Rollers! Penalty called on Evilynn for tripping. Arm wrestle between Evilynn and Sacralicious, Sac takes it, Cherry Bombs lose a point. Sacralicious and Rocky are back at it again, Rocky takes lead jammer position and scores a full jam! A fight almost breaks out. Helena and Kate, time expires as Kate gets 3 points for the Bombs. Last jam of the first half is Sacralicious versus Rocky. Sac is out front but time expires leaving the Rollers with 2 points and the Bombs with 1 point from that jam.
HALF TIME SCORE: HR 18, CB 15
Sacralicious and Evilynn start off the 2nd half. Skaters are side by side, Sac takes a point for the Rollers. A major is called on Mz. Behavin’ for blocking to the inside. They reskate the jam, Evilynn leads but time runs out. Two minors called on Polly Urethrane and Sacralicious. Penalty mistress Mighty Aphrodite calls a Skater Skills Long Jump – Kate or Dye subs for Polly, but Sac takes it. Bombs lose a point! Smarty and Rocky jamming again, Rocky breaks free and calls it with 3 points for the Bombs and 1 point for the Rollers.
Sacralicious and Kate or Dye – Kate out front and and has a collusion with Mz. Behavin’ that caused a spiral fracture in Kate’s humerus. OUCH. The EMTs worked on her for a about a half hour on the track while Chola hustled around with the Spank Alley skate raising funds for Kate’s ER visit. Within a matter of minutes, over $1000 was raised. It was evident as always that TXRD does have the best damn fans. (To make donations for Kate or Dye, visit TXRD.com) Due to the time delay with Kate’s injury, they started back up for the fourth quarter as she was wheeled out to the ambulance. Mz. B had a major penalty called on her, Bombs had a minor – spank alley.
As can be imagined, the rest of the bout the skaters, the refs, the fans and webcasters were all on the edges of our proverbial seats. The 4th quarter was surreal. Rocky pulled off several full jams, despite her tender shoulder. There were lots of penalties, but only few got called. Minor called on Axle Rosie for an illegal block – Axle and Honey Homicide have a pillow fight that was awarded to Axle, the first of several “BULLSH!T” chants by the crowd. Sacralicious and Evinlynn jamming. Polly gets her third minor, which turns into one major, and she goes to the penalty box. Bombs to skate next jam one skater down. A minor was called on Helena Handbasket which turned into a Tug-o-War with Ginjure. Ginjure takes it, Rollers lose a point. Final jam of the evening was between Sacralicious and Evilynn. Sac is out front, both skaters get one point.
FINAL SCORE: HOLY ROLLERS 35, CHERRY BOMBS 28
The one word I would pick to describe this bout (profanity aside) is INTENSE. The bout ended up being just as fierce as expected with both teams playing their hearts out to retain the undefeated status. I think I finally quit holding my breath about an hour after the bout ended. Thanks to the skaters and refs for a great bout!!
Best wishes to Kate or Dye for a speedy recovery–see TXRD.com for donation info!
WE’LL see YOU back at the ACC on June 1, when the Hellcats take on the Putas del Fuego, until then…peace out and skate on!